Tyler Clementi, was by all accounts a fairly shy freshman at Rutgers University. He may or may not have been gay, but we know for sure that he had at least one sexual encounter with a man. How do we know that? Well after thespy video that his roommate and another student made was released to the internet it became a matter of public record. Tyler had sex with some guy. Surely he thought it was a private thing, but there it was on the internet and would always define him.
This seems to be the proximate cause of his suicide by jumping off of a bridge. This is what the so-called "family values" conservatives railing against the "radical homosexual agenda" leads to. Yesterday I posted a slightly light-hearted look at what they claim this agenda is. The reality is that they don’t want any cultural acceptance of gay folks. It all comes down to that, they want to be able to use gay people as a stalking horse for all the ills of society.
"Originally posted at Squarestate.net"
I am pretty sure they don’t think about the consequences, but situations like Tyler Clementi’s suicide are a direct result of this shaming and relentless vilifying of gay citizens. Think back to when you were 18 or 19 or 20. Do you remember who desperate you were to be cool? How you were not sure what the world would hold and just finding out that you really had the choice to be who you are, as scary as that thought can be?
Now imagine what is must be like for those who are gay or bisexual. Gay jokes are everywhere. People are called fags if they don’t conform to the norm, regardless of their sexuality. There are still some kids in this younger generation who are not accepting of gay people being openly gay. For all that polls show there folks under 25, as a group, don’t care if gay citizens marry or serve in the military openly, there is still a good size portion of this population who has bought into the lies and vilification of gays and is not shy about speaking out about it.
Then you have folks like the Assistant Attorney General in Michigan Andrew Shirvell who spends his time cyber-stalking the openly gay Student Body President at the University of Michigan, harassing him about the "radical homosexual agenda". Tyler was not out. His roommate was callus enough to think that it would be funny to let the whole world find out about one of Tyler’s sexual choices via the internet. Why is someone being gay funny? It isn’t. It is what it is. The thing that bothers me the most is how many of us have had some kind of sexual encounter with someone of the same sex, especially when we were younger. I don’t have any problem saying I have. To me it is all part of growing up. However that is not the same as wanting to have it broadcast to the world shortly after.
Clearly it was devastating to Tyler. Sadly he is not the only person this kind of thing devastates. The numbers of suicides by gay teens is as much as 4 times that of heterosexual teens. The pressures they face from society and their families combined with all the other shit that adolescents go through makes it a dangerous time for them.
Tyler’s death is about more than just his feeling that his life was destroyed by the casual cruelty of his roommate. His suicide will haunt his family for the rest of their lives. There will be guilt and remorse that they will not be able to reconcile for a very long time if ever. In any case they have lost a son, someone whose potential will never be reached because we live in a society that is willing to say that being gay is something that should be shunned. The fact that you have no choice in where you fall on the sexuality spectrum does still does not seem to make it into the heads of those who are willing to be bigoted based on sexuality.
This is more than a policy debate. This is more than a debate about civil rights, this is about our humanity. Do we really want to live in a nation that is willing to have people like Tyler feel like they need to end their lives because of their sexuality? Is this what we are, the Land of the Free as long as you aren’t gay?
All this makes me really angry. I think Tyler’s roommate is a total asshole but I have a hard time putting all the blame on him. If this were not an issue, if being gay were not treated as some kind of moral failing then he would never had made and posted that tape. If there were not so many who have hate in their hearts like Focus on the Family and James Dobson then timid folks like Tyler might be able to figure out who they are and who they love without fear.
It is time for those of us who believe it is okay to have sex with the people you are attracted to (always saying as long as it is consensual and with adults) to stand up for it. There tell everyone you know that you don’t care what kind of sex they have; it is the least important thing about them. Be sure to hammer anyone making gay jokes. They aren’t that funny anyway and they just perpetuate the stereotypes that made Tyler Clementi think he had to end his life.
We can’t do anything for Tyler, he is beyond this veil of tears, but we can keep speaking out and making it clear that the only ones who should be ashamed are the people who would make sexuality an issue for political gain. The Dobson’s and Shirvell’s of the world.
The floor is yours.