Now obviously with all the turmoil around the world, the one thing we've all been able to count on throughout these disasters is intrepid reporting. As bad as cable news can be, they seem to rise to the occasion when the occasion is completely fucked.
But has the relentless pace begun to take its toll? We answer that question in our new segment.
Now, let's begin with, I don't know, Nancy Grace. When we last saw Nancy Grace, she was stealing a baby from Jennifer Connelly, and disappearing into her labyrinth.
(listens to earpiece) I'm sorry, what? Really? They're not... they're not the same person? Are you sure? Absolutely uncanny! All right, no... well... I've gotta go... I've got a show on the other line.
But now Nancy Grace has taken a place atop the ramparts to protect American shores from the atomic menace.
3/21/2011:
NANCY GRACE: Straight out to Bernie Rayno, senior meteorologist, AccuWeather.com. Bernie, explain how this is going to affect us.
BERNIE RAYNO: Well, in the United States, I don't think there's going to be a big impact at all. Um, you know, I think the radiation is...
GRACE: Bernie... Bernie...
RAYNO: Oh boy, here we go, Nancy.
...
GRACE: There's this state of emergency declared in California.
RAYNO: You're not... Nancy... this is not... this is not... this is not damaging radiation in the United States. ... The state of emergency in California from what I remember from last week was from the damage from the tsunami!
GRACE: Yeah, that's what the Japanese government said too, don't worry, everything's fine!
Yeah, smart guy who studied it! If there's no radiation on our shores, how come California hospitals have created "emergency rooms"? You don't set aside a room for emergencies if there aren't any, are there? But watch how the former prosecutor refuses to take science for an answer.
BERNIE RAYNO: No matter how you slice this, this is not headed toward the United States as far as the damage is radiation. ... It doesn't just magically appear. It's gotta get here, and the large amounts aren't.
NANCY GRACE: Uh, OK. Uh, speaking of magic, Bernie, all of that is sleight of the hand. It's smoke and mirrors. There's no such thing as magic.
(shocked audience laughter)
He's not talking about magic, he was talking about radiation! He wasn't saying radiation is a leprechaun, he was agreeing with you that there's no...
He's only giving you the science to your scenario.... He's agreeing with you that there is no such thing as magic.
JOHN OLIVER: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!!!!
OLIVER: What was that, Jon Stewart? What was that? What was that
JON STEWART: I was just saying there's no such thing as magic.
OLIVER: Hey, hey, HEY!! I did not spend seven years at a boarding school studying something that doesn't exist! Expelliarmo victorius patronum apprecium! Wait, wait, Jon, are you still there?
STEWART: Yeah, I'm still here.
OLIVER: Am I still here?
STEWART: Yeah, you are.
OLIVER: Fucking wizards!!! Fuck!!! (runs off stage)
(Did he break his wand?) The role John Oliver was born to play! That was his Shakespeare!
So while Nancy Grace versus guy who knows what he's talking about is an entertaining undercard, the title match was an inter-network brawl, featuring the aging former champion CNN, versus the young kidney-punching upstart Fox, which began when Fox seemed to insinuate that CNN was inadvertently aiding and abetting Muammar Gaddafi, by agreeing to accompany Libyan officials to the site of a recent missile attack.
JENNIFER GRIFFIN (3/21/2011): Some news crews decided to go, others, including our Steve Harrigan, did not go to the compound. They were concerned they could be used as human shields.
Kudos to Fox, for so quickly putting the Libyan crisis into service of their real mission, patriotic self-promotion. Only they can turn "our guy missed the shuttle bus" into "Fox News alone refuses to play patsy to America's enemies". Of course, after a few hours of triumphal chest-thumping, the story got a little murkier.
JENNIFER GRIFFIN (3/21/2011): Tonight, I learned that although reporter Steve Harrigan opted not to go, and remained back at his hotel, he wanted to stay on the air, I'm told, to provide full coverage of what was going on in Libya. He did in fact send a security guard with a camera to Gaddafi's compound with the journalists from the other news outlets.
Ahh, well, I see. Fox reporter Steve Harrigan was so concerned that journalists were going to be used as human shields, he made security guard Joey Expendable go. "Hey Joey, you know how you always said you wanted to be a real live reporter? Well, how about just a reporter?"
But look, these guys are all battle hardened veteran journalists. I'm sure the reporter in question, CNN's Nic Robertson, is going to let this accusation roll off his back like water off a duck's ass.
NIC ROBERTSON (3/21/2011): This allegation is outrageous. ... And the idea that we were some kind of human shields is nuts.
Oh, little hot in the desert sun, I see. Let's keep it all professional, boys.
NIC ROBERTSON (3/21/2011): I mean, if they had actually been there, Steve Harrigan the correspondent here is somebody I've known for many years. I see him more times at breakfast than I see him out on trips with government officials.
Oh shit! Oh no, you didn't! Oh no, you didn't! You know what this means? Reporter snaps! Let's do this, boys! All right! So Robertson gets on him, and Harrigan was all, "Uh, Robertson, I think you're dull. I fall asleep when you give a report." "Hey Harrigan, what hotel you stayin' at? Coward Johnson's?" Ga-gooch, triple correspondent slam! By the way, when I myself am on the road, I always stay at the Coward Johnson. They leave the light on for me, in case there are monsters.
why these reporters were attacking each other. Wyatt Cenac also looked a
in Long Island where Jews are going up against other Jews over some kind of sin loophole, I guess.
how after every disaster, some people keep saying it's too soon to do anything.