No, I don't want your "Rewards Card." No, I don't care if it's free.
No, I won't go to your website and fill out a survey with a chance to win $10,000.
No, I don't want a $300 travel voucher good for any domestic flight in exchange for giving up my reserved seat on your airline, because your Board of Directors thinks it makes good business sense to overbook.
No, I don't want to sign up for your credit card and start earning free travel today. No, I don't care how many bonus miles you give me as an inducement.
No, I would not like to see the dessert menu. So please don't shove it in front of my face if I didn't ask for it.
No, everything doesn't "taste just the way I like it." I feel sorry for your servers who are required to ask that.
No, I don't have any bills "smaller than that." That's what the ATM dispenses, and charges me $3.00 for no reason at all when it does so.
No, I don't have "exact change." If your airline can't make change they shouldn't be selling food to passengers.
No, I don't wish to "purchase a meal." My ticket cost 850 dollars. Maybe you could purchase me a meal instead.
No, I don't appreciate paying a different price for "cash" or "credit" at your gas pump. No one carries that much cash, and you know it. If it costs you that much to deal with the banks that support the credit cards, perhaps you should seek recourse from the oil company that provides your product.
No I don't appreciate the way your gas pumps position the highest octane, most expensive gasoline to the left, the second most highest priced in the middle, and the regular, least expensive (which everyone with sense uses) to the right. The cheapest gas should naturally be to my left, and you know it. But you make a certain amount of profit on people who don't bother to check and pump themselves a tankful of your overpriced and unnecessary "supreme" gasoline by mistake.
No, I don't want a "large" version of my fast food meal for an additional 99 cents. You're charging me $2.50 for a soda that costs you less than a dime. And no, I won't pay you for a cup of water.
No, I will not spend 3.99 on your artificially flavored coffee product that takes you less than a quarter to make. I will also not spend 3.99 for a plastic bottle filled with water shipped from "Fiji."
No, I don't want to buy three tires and get the 4th free. Your tires are overpriced to begin with, so that's not really a bargain.
No, I'm not tipping people for working behind a cash register and handing me a pre-made product so you can justify paying them less. I tip waiters, cabbies, and bellboys. And people who perform similar work.
No I will not use the self-service checkout at the Safeway so you can pay fewer workers. Your food prices are still exorbitant and this policy has not changed that.
No, I don't want to use the coupon you mailed me that expires at the end of this month.
No I don't want to buy homeowner's insurance from my auto insurer.
No I won't pay your "account activity fee." Remove it or I'll join a credit union.
No I won't pay your "account maintenance fee." My account did not need maintenance. Remove it or I'll join a credit union.
No, I'm not interested in the advertisement attached to the fold-out tray in the seat in front of me.
No, I don't want an "extended warranty." If your product was any good it wouldn't need one.
No, that catchy, winsome female voice singing that delicate background tune in your commercial will not prompt me to buy your product.
No I wouldn't like to make a donation to "Breast Cancer Research" with a portion of my shopping bill so your corporation can claim to be a charitable organization. If I make a contribution to "Breast Cancer Research" it won't be to provide you with a tax deduction.
No I don't want to have to ask for the "key" to your restroom.
No, it really doesn't need to be "dry-cleaned." It needs to be washed and ironed.
No, I don't have "erectile dysfunction" or "Low T." I'm simply growing older.
No, I won't "ask my doctor" about your product.
No, I don't to go to your website to apply for a "free sample" of your product.
No, I won't give you my home phone number. Or my cell phone number. Or my email address. Or my mother's middle name.
No, I don't need an oil change every 3000 miles. No, the oil in my car is not "dirty" and the system does not need to be "flushed."
No, I won't "look under the bottle cap" and go to your website with that code.
No, I didn't "weigh my bags" before I came to the airport. I did pay three times what I paid last year for a ticket.
No, I will not take your "survey."
No, I will not give you "customer feedback."
No, I will not fill out your "comment card" so you can fire your servers who have to deal with the people that patronize your restaurant.
No, I don't want to apply for instant credit and receive 15% off today's purchase.
No, I don't like the fact that "this call may be recorded to ensure customer satisfaction".
No, I will not "stay on the line while representatives are assisting other customers."
No, there is nothing else you can do to make "my stay more enjoyable."
No, there is nothing else you can help me with.