Well, I took my dog to the vet last night and spent almost an hour and a half talking with her about what was going on, my options, treatments, medications, behavior specialists and then dementia.
Buzz nesting.
See, I have been saying in the first three diaries that it was like Buzz had gone a little crazy.
The vet thinks I am right. She questioned me a great deal about Buzz' behavior over the past year. We discussed his hearing loss, his failure to recognize the car I drive (which he has been in hundreds of times), the fact that Buzz can no longer differentiate between me taking the garbage out, going to work or leaving with a suitcase for a business trip and they all provoke the same hysterical overreaction from Buzz.
We discussed me taking Buzz to a Veterinarian who specializes in dog behavior - having that specialist to my house to see how we interact and watch Buzz. The vet discussed medications, antipsychotics, anti-anxiety medications, medications to sedate, medications for separation anxiety.
Then we talked for a while about Buzz' age. The problems we (my ex wife and I) have had with him over the years.
We also talked about the my upcoming work travel schedule, that I am gone for virtually all of September and a good part of October.
Then she gave me her opinion on what to do about Buzz.
The vet said that based on her years of experience and what she knows of this dog and the information in his chart that she believes the anxiety is partially because Buzz is showing the beginning signs of dementia (that was not the word she used but I can't for the life of me remember the exact phrase she used). She emphasized his disorientation, the apparently random paths he takes when he escapes and his hearing and vision loss.
I was told that I could have a referral to a veterinary behaviorist. The vet was familiar with one and thought highly of this person's work. But she did not think this would help in the situation Buzz was in. She pointed out that a behaviorist cannot help restore cognition, hearing and vision. The vet also felt that as time went on, the problems would get worse, not better as aging continued to rob Buzz of his senses, increasing his disorientation.
The vet emphasized that the decision for what to do with Buzz was mine and mine alone but her suggestion was that I enjoy the time I have with Buzz as much as possible before my travel starts in September. She did not say it but it was clear: I should say goodbye before I start to travel again.
I took the day off of work to spend with Buzz. I really could not afford to do so, but I did it anyway. Buzz is a sweet, gentle dog who really just wants to be a part of the pack. Not the alpha, he has never been that. But a good solid member of the pack. He has always been eager to please with a carefully concealed streak of mischief deep within him.
In the eleven years I have had him, he has never played with a toy. I think that the person who had Buzz before me beat that out of him. Buzz is scared to take an object from a human hand and it even took about a year before he took treats from my hand. Now he takes them gladly.
I have started the process of the long goodbye. I hate it but am grateful for the chance to say goodbye. I will not waste the precious time I have left with my Buzz.
Buzz and my daughter back when she was a baby. That is a lid to one of her toys that my daughter has in her mouth.
Before I leave, I want to address the people who hide rated me and criticized my lack of compassion for considering euthanasia for a canine behavior problem.
First, I hope you never have to go through what I am going through with my Buzz. It is incredibly painful and gut rending. The sad thing is you probably will have to go through it possibly with a pet and possibly worse, with a person you are close to. It is a part of life to deal with aging and loss of faculties.
Second, you are only considering the quantity of Buzz' life, not the quality of his life. While physically Buzz is a healthy dog, it is clear that psychologically he is in misery. His anxiety about me leaving is so high that he has seriously injured himself escaping and has the scars to show for it. His attempts to get out of the house are obsessive and self destructive.
I have often thought that if I had alzheimers or ALS I would want someone to help me end my life peacefully. This may be my final gift to Buzz, letting him end his life peacefully and calmly, without stress and with his human mother and father there to say goodbye.
Finally, the suggestion that I am unwilling to spend money or time to work with my dog to make his life better. If I did not care, I would not post a diary begging for help and suggestions with this, I'd simply have put him down and been done with it. Before you make this accusation perhaps you should do what Meteor Blades suggested and "THINK":