Open wide, Ohio. Happy hour might be coming to the Statehouse.
That’s right. Soon, when the kids have finished their field trips and lessons about the advent of Toledo, your favorite State Senators might be able to freely kick back a few stiff ones with their fellow statesmen in the Capitol.
According to an article in the Gavelston Daily News, Ohio is considering opening a bar where the law gets laid.
Opponents of such pub-lic assembly say it would be inappropriate to open a bar in a government building frequented by schoolchildren. Supporters, however, note that alcohol already flows freely at Statehouse events. Many pundits have called this statement the most rational thought Ohio politicians have produced in years, while others have directed blame at organized labor and MTV video games, leading many to wonder what in the ale people are talking about.
Cincinnati Republican and bar proponent, Senator Bill Seitz, told the GDN:
“My point of view is Prohibition ended in the 1930s, so what's the big deal? We're not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox and having people spending all their waking hours in the Capitol Cafe, drowning their sorrows. But the idea that there's alcohol in the Statehouse should be completely unsurprising to anyone."
Republican Rep. Rex “I'll Be" Damschroder, an advocate of tough anti-drinking laws, said the Statehouse is a place where adults and children go to learn history and see government in action, not to happen upon lawmakers bellied up to the bar:
"At this point, I am aware of no valid reason for a bar to be located in the center of Ohio's government operations," he wrote in a recent letter to a Statehouse operations committee. "There are plenty of bars in downtown Columbus, and the Statehouse is the last place that should be added to the list."
The most surprising aspect of this proposal is that John Boehner had nothing to do with it. The idea is said to have originated with a caterer at The Capitol Café who had been looking for ways to get more use out of the dining space The hope is that beer, wine, and alcohol could be served during special events. To slow what is being framed as the radical progressive agenda of the caterer, the panel that oversees Statehouse operations has slowed the project's pace, assigning it to a study committee that will sort out what the business should offer (..though word has it that Johnnie Walker Black is most definitely off the table :)).
The inclination to govern under the influence is hardly new, though:
R. Patrick Sullivan, co-author of a blog called Booze & Politics, said politicians' drinking began going underground in the 1980s, as C-SPAN and later YouTube increased the likelihood of public embarrassment. That's a pity, he said in an email — since alcohol can lubricate a good political deal.
"I think we've swung too far the opposite way in separating booze from the political workplace," he said. "If Democrats and Republicans can come together in the proposed pub for a libation after work, wouldn't that lead to more civility in politics? The very kind the president is calling for?"
After all, what Ohioan doesn’t want to see Damschroder and Seitz playing beer pong with a Jameson back after a hard day of finding new and innovative ways to suppress voting rights? Let's be honest, revoking decades of collective bargaining is no easy task. Truthfully, these guys do whatever they want anyway, including 26-year-old prostitutes apparently, so why is drinking when they want somehow the thing that people can’t handle? Because it will take place at the Statehouse?!?
If drinking in the Capitol is the most evil thing the Kasich administration does on any given weekday, that should be considered a great day for Ohio.