Tuesday night, Anderson Cooper and the best political team on television hosted what felt like the 999th debate of the presidential primary season.
After feasting on some apples and oranges, the candidates quickly moved on to the bread and butter issues of health care and lawn care.
It was at this point that nominal frontrunner Mitt Romney broke the first rule of GOP Fight Club by manhandling Rick Perry.
And from there, it was all downhill.
But then, on Thursday morning, the death of Moammar Gadhafi was reported, creating an opportunity zone in which Herman Cain could use his deep dish knowledge of foreign policy to negotiate synergies.
And judging by the response from the right, he succeeded wildly.
In fact, Cain was so successful that by early Friday afternoon President Obama was able to declare an end to the war in Iraq.
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton; Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX); Roundtable: David Brooks (New York Times), Former Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. (D-TN), Former Chairman/CEO of G.E. Jack Welch and Andrea Mitchell (NBC News).
Face the Nation: Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN); Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA); Roundtable: John Dickerson (CBS News) and GOP Strategist Kevin Madden.
This Week: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton; Sen. John McCain (R-AZ); US Chamber of Commerce President Tom Donohue; AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka; Foreign Policy Roundtable: Martha Raddatz (ABC News), Richard Stengel (TIME), Robert Kagan (Brookings Institution); Political Roundtable: Republican Pollster Frank Luntz, George Will (Washington Post), GOP Strategist Matthew Dowd, Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile and Jake Tapper (ABC News).
Fox News Sunday: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton; Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC); Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), David Drucker (Roll Call), Kimberly Strassel (Wall Street Journal) and Juan Williams (Fox News).
State of the Union: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton; Vice President Joe Biden; Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY); Michael Duffy (TIME); A.B. Stoddard (The Hill); Reliable Sources: Jim Lehrer (PBS).
The Chris Matthews Show: Gloria Borger (CNN); Michael Duffy (TIME); David Ignatius (Washington Post); Norah O'Donnell (NBC News).
Fareed Zakaria GPS: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
By popular demand:
Up with Chris Hayes: Dahlia Litwick (Slate); Karen Hunter (MSNBC); SEIU President Mary Kay Henry; James Poulos (Daily Calller); Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT).
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: an interview with Walter Isaacson, whose biography of Steve Jobs will be published on Monday (preview); and, a report on applications for tablet computers that help people with Autism communicate (preview).
On Comedy Central:
Jon Stewart surveyed Republicans' reaction to the news of Moammar Gadhafi's death.
The Daily Show
Monday: Elmo Puppeteer/Voice Actor Kevin Clash
Tuesday: Author Walter Isaacson
Wednesday: Physicist/Author Lisa Randell
Thursday: TBA
And Stephen Colbert sized up pizza magnate Herman Cain.
The Colbert Report
Monday: Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman (R)
Tuesday: Filmmaker Susan Saladoff
Wednesday: Country Singer Toby Keith
Thursday: TBA
Elsewhere:
Phil Mitsch, a Republican candidate for the New Jersey Senate, didn't see anything wrong with the advice he offered to his Twitter followers.
Mitsch, a retired real estate broker running in a heavily Democratic district in Camden County, told The Philadelphia Inquirer he was actually advising men with his Twitter post. He told his 44,000 followers on Sept. 2: "Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom."
"That's a great tip," he said at a meeting Wednesday with the editorial board. "That shows the utmost respect for women. … What I was trying to say to men was, 'Men, look, if you got to go out and play around and you can't be honest with a woman and respect her, then you're better off just doing pay, play, and get the 'F' away.'
And speaking of whores:
Burlington County, NJ Mayor Chris Myers denied paying a "rentboy" for sex, despite there being photographic evidence of their tryst.
An anonymous "Rentboy" escort in California this month has accused Myers of renting him for $500 in an encounter one night last October at a hotel in Newport Beach, Calif. — then not making good on other promises Myers allegedly made that night to buy him a car and the guts of a recording studio. [...]
A lurid detailed account of the evening is also included on Rentboy’s site. There, Rentboy said "the client" hired him by texting the "Rentboy.com" escort line from the Fairmont Hotel, and provided his name.
"He said he liked muscle and was looking forward to playing with me," Rentboy wrote. "He also described himself as a bisexual professional man who lives a straight life but likes to indulge in his homosexual desires when he is traveling."
"He also mentioned that he liked to give and receive oral sex and was possibly open to more activities if it seemed right. I told Mr. Myers I was open."
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
And in tangentially-related news:
Geography expert Rep. Michele Bachmann denied reports that her New Hampshire staff had resigned en masse to head for greener pastures.
"That is a shocking story to me," Bachmann said. "I don’t know where that came from. We have called staff in New Hampshire to find out where that came from and the staff have said that isn’t true, so I don’t know if this is just a bad story that's being fed by a different candidate or campaign. I have no idea where this came from, but we’ve made calls and it’s certainly not true."
Of course, it is true.
THE END.
- Trix