I'm not making this up, but someone at Amazon may be.
It begins as anyone who's ever seen an Amazon page would expect...
Only 7 left in stock--order soon.
Product Description
Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray. The world's most widely used pepper spray in law enforcement and corrections, First Defense® has just gotten better. With our complete line of aerosols, we are able to offer an OC level of intensity ranging from .2% Major Capsaicinoids to 1.3% MC. The variations in the MC% means that you can now select the level of intensity of OC for the environment required. We use independent laboratory testing to ensure consistent quality of each product.Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray Features:; Formulation Weight: 12 oz.; Delivery System: Stream
But if you look a bit closer, say, at the first customer review
Accept no substitutes when casually repressing students, November 21, 2011
By D-bag of Liberty - See all my reviews
This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)
Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology's superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn't stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.
When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.
It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.
Buy a whole case!
Try clicking on the product images. Or take a gander at the 'Product Ads from External Websites'...
Marmot Limelight 4P Tent with Footprint...
Or sample the other customer reviews:
Excellent finish for grilled meats and unwanted guests...
DOESN'T DO THE JOB - THOSE STUDENTS ARE STILL AT IT!...
fox news was right it's just a vegetable...
And then figure out your own, personal favorite review. Here's mine:
Perfect for Starting Your Own Little Police State!, November 22, 2011
By Occupy Wall Street "#OWS" (Police State America) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)
Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray is the perfect product for would-be dictators, military rulers, and university chancellors. With a simple, nonchalant spraying action, you can be sure to cause great distress among unruly protestors, ensuring that their freedoms of speech, assembly, and protest are eliminated in favor of screaming in agony and writhing on the ground. One bottle of this stuff can silence up to 25 protestors with ease. Works just like Roundup weed killer, except it doesn't cause death, just burns, loss of vision, and possibly cancer many years later, when you won't be blamed for anything anyway. "I've been using this stuff to maintain power in my banana republic for years," according to Generalissimo Linda Katehi! Lt. John Pike of the UC Davis HeimatSekurität Department also raves, "Never before has it been so easy to silence those grubby little students whose tuition pays my salary!"
Remember, this product does entail some risk of blowback, however. Careless use could lead to international notoriety, universal condemnation, lawsuits, loss of your job, and becoming an internet meme.
Share yours, or create your own on Amazon and in the comments.