My cousin passed away Saturday night. I'm struggling with how to react to it. I mean, there are so many reasons he shouldn't have died, even though he had plenty of health problems, they should have been manageable with the proper care. I feel like our safety net failed him when he should have been someone who obviously needed help.
It has been a long time since we were close. I think I grew up and he didn't know quite how to talk to me anymore (and I for my part, didn't know either). Much about his life and circumstances are still a mystery because my family likes to keep secrets, but he was my great aunt's son and she must have been married since her name was changed but it is something they just don't discuss. I never really thought about it much when I was little, I just always assumed his dad must have left or died.
My cousin was in his late 50s (I'm in my mid 20s) and deaf. When I was little we had been friends, I had always thought it was so awesome that I could use sign language I learned in class or that he could read my lips. When I was little I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world (aside from books and unicorns).
He had gone to a school for the deaf and he had a modest education but he never had a job and never had any love interests that I knew of. He lived with his mother until she died and was living alone. He didn't have friends, he just had his family. But at the same time, he resented us for having our responsibilities and lives to attend to because he didn't have those things. I know he hated having to be taken care of and always being told what he could or couldn't do (because of money).
He had just quit smoking (well he replaced chain smoking with e cigs), loved baseball, and he always knew everyone's birthday. He didn't hardly get sugar anymore because of his health, Dr. Pepper was something he had to give up years ago. He wasn't an amazing award winning human being, he had his personal demons and was angry at the world for being so cruel. I'm sure any person looking at his life on paper wouldn't think it was worth much, but his family loved him.
He stopped going to family get-togethers because he thought we were making fun of him. Anytime anyone laughed, he thought it was about him. He also thought we were having get-togethers and not inviting him (ppl just got older and stopped getting together so often). He constantly felt like he was on the outside of the world he was living in, and it didn't really matter what anyone did because he still felt like he was on the outside looking in on lives that he should have been able to have.
He was unemployed, on medicaid, on disability, and taking any assistance he could. There are many times when he should have been getting regular checkups but the free clinic he went to doesn't do appointments that way, and it wasn't really possible for him to get there to wait to maybe see someone since he didn't have a car and there isn't a bus system where he lived. My grandparents took him to his hospital trips (having to drive an hour to get to the hospital that would treat him). My grandparents wanted to do more for him, but he wouldn't have qualified for the help he was receiving if they did too much.
He was always embarrassed of being deaf. He would always try going into appointments and not telling them he was deaf. He would get mad at my grandma for letting them know when he didn't answer them cause he couldn't see their face.
Every year we do secret santa, and my mom had gotten him this year and was looking into getting him a dog for the deaf (and had gotten him a special alarm clock).
He was a kind person who became warped because of the pressures of society. I don't know that if he had had better assess to health care or had the money to live his life how he wanted to if he would have lived longer. I do know that there was so much that could have been done to make his life better and to make him happier. And I'm sure there are many things out there that he could have taken advantage of but none of us knew. Our family did everything we could for him but it just wasn't enough. He still died alone.
He fell through the cracks of the safety net. And if our family hadn't been there to support him and help him get his medicines and get to his appointments, he would have died.
When the Republicans whine and moan about people living on welfare, disability, unemployment, or having to use medicaid for their health care; people need to remember that these are real people who have lives. And even though they might not "deserve" your help, we should still give it.
If you want to purport to be a Christian nation, then our nation should act like it. Instead of invading other countries, turn the other cheek. Instead of stealing from the poor and middle class to give to the rich in a reverse Robin Hood, let's make sure no American goes hungry, and no American is homeless. Let's work on making sure that everyone has fulfilling, satisfying work that they can be proud of. Let's make sure that everyone gets an equal deal in America when it comes to education, and so that if you want to learn you don't have to borrow yourself into the ground to do it.
My cousin's death is small in the scheme of things but how many other people have friends and family in similar situations where there is no opportunity? This is something that has to change. We should value human life over efficient budgeting.