The owner of the NBA's New Jersey Nets, billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, announced today that he will challenge Prime Minister Vladimir Putin in the Russian elections for president in 2012
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's bid to return to his nation's presidency, an office he held from 2000 to 2008, picked up a surprise challenger Monday when Mikhail Prokhorov publicly declared his intention to run for the office, too.
Prokhorov is known in Russia for a fortune built on mining and banking interests. Forbes estimates his worth at $18 billion and pegs him as the third-wealthiest person in the county. In the United States, however, he's best known as owner of the NBA's New Jersey Nets, a team he bought in 2009.
"Society is waking up," Prokhorov told the news conference where he declared his candidacy for the March election.
Not so fast.
The Commissioner of the National Basketball Association, David Stern, objected vociferously to this harebrained idea. He vetoed it for "basketball reasons" for it was going to compromise the integrity of the game.
Earlier this evening in New York City, a stunned group of sports journalists attended a press conference in which Stern elaborated as to why he was opposed to this idea.
"We fought the Soviets for over forty years in a long, drawn-out Cold War and at great sacrifice. It costs us trillions of dollars to win that struggle and one which occupied the best and brightest American minds for decades. We simply cannot let this happen."
Reporters pressed him to clarify as to what Stern's specific objections were to prohibiting Mr. Prokhorov from exercising his rights.
Mr. Stern added: "New York City is the crown jewel of the United States of America. We have worked very hard to create an image and brand which people respect. If we allow this to happen, are we still going to be that "shining city on the hill?"
When pressed by reporters as to what this was, the Commissioner explained:"You see, Mr. Prokhorov has sinister plans which will not only change the city's landscape but would be, in my expert opinion, downright un-American. Professional sports are finally returning to Brooklyn in 2012 after more than fifty years. Brooklyn is in New York City and not in Moscow. We sure as hell do not desire Moscow on the Hudson!"
It finally dawned upon the reporters what the affable basketball commissioner was referring to: the new basketball arena which will house the New Jersey Nets might well be redesigned if Mr. Prokhorov becomes the President of Russia!
As reporters were absorbing the long-term effects of this bombshell of a decision, one of them asked Mr. Stern if he would also prevent Mr. Prokhorov from running as an independent candidate in the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election.
"Although my office gives me far-reaching powers to make such a decision, I haven't as yet made a final determination. I am not ruling anything out, though."
At the time of this report, Mikhail Prokhorov had not decided whether or not to sue the National Basketball Association but he did issue a brief statement: "At 6'8" tall, I am happy to challenge David Stern to a one-on-one game of basketball."
Note: for those of you who are not basketball fans or do not follow the doings of the NBA on a daily basis, please read these stories here and here for background info on this diary.