My wife is nearing the end of a long journey through the hell of Alzheimers disease. I've been her full time caregiver throughout, all of the time, particularly for the last 8 or 9 years. She's slowly losing weight and will continue to do so, but is also happy, comfortable, and unafraid. At this point I just want her to be able to pass away in her own space, on our little sailboat that has been our home for the last 23 years.
She was a registered nurse and worked with me in long term care for a time, so both of us knew Alzheimers and what it would do, where it would go. There haven't been many surprises since it I became aware of it's presence 12 years ago. I'm busy all day long with her, but a lot of that is just watching and making sure she doesn't try to get up and then fall. Direct care of course as well, but there is quite a bit of time for thought for me. I do think about my own feelings and deal with my emotions. There are good times and bad times, but mostly I'm ok with where I am at this time in my life. I hate what has happened, but I'm also thankful that I can be here for this time in her life and for the end of her life.
I have a caregiver come in for a seven hour day and a four hour day each week so that I can have a little time off. Yesterday was one of those days and as I came back to the marina that evening, I saw the security guard's car parked in the wheelchair access zone to the side of the handicapped parking spot where I normally park. What he does means the handicapped spot is useless as there is no space for a wheelchair. Not a big deal in this case as I was by myself and he'd be gone in the morning when I needed the access for Pam and her wheelchair. These things normally don't bother me. I deal with them. Alzheimers has made me a very patient person. It is hard to make me angry.
But, I happened to see him on the dock while I was walking back to the boat, so I figured I'd explain the problem to him. He'd easily understand and stop parking there. He didn't. His first response was that he wasn't in a handicapped zone. I tried explaining again, emphasizing the need for room for the wheelchair. He's basically a nice guy and I knew he'd understand. He didn't. This time he said that he was only there for 20 minutes.
At that point I lost it. I yelled at him that the next time he did it, I'd park my truck behind him and block him in and call the police. I was really angry. So out of character for me to do something like that.
But the anger comes out when it's unexpected. It just pours out sometimes. This poor dumb security guard just happened to be at the receiving end.