Recently I had a rare week of freedom from my job. I spent it on my own turf walking the beaches and forests of my childhood that have changed not at all in as long as I can remember. It is the place I have always come when I needed to think.
I have much to be grateful for in this life, good friends, a small amount of security in owning not only my home but a chunk of acreage where I will someday build my final home. I have a large old fashioned family most of whom I really like and who really like me, and for now I have this place where I can come to think.
For many years now I have made a conscious choice to work less hours in a stable profession that allows me to concentrate on other thing I enjoy and not worry about where my next meal would come from. It is a choice I made after my husband died some 7 years ago. Life is short and putting the things we love off for another day can mean regret when our days run out. I want no regrets.
I had been informed the week before that my hours along with everybody else's have been cut back. Now keeping the lights on was no longer such a sure thing.
Even though things were not great I did have a few things to look forward to. I was to meet a friend and spend a few hours visiting it was a thing that had been in the works for several months. Over almost a year, this friend and I had pulled each other through some tough times gave each other a boost when it was necessary, sometimes just a pleasant distraction but enough to refill spirits running on empty, and finally both saw light at the end of the tunnel. This for me was a feeling of celebration we had individually navigated some rough waters and found our way decision by decision and step by step.
There have been set backs for each of us and times when it seemed like there was no real hope. There have great and exciting triumphs. Yet it all worked out. But my joy at the idea was dashed, it seems my friend had decided to be silent and disappear for a time. By accident or on purpose I really don't know, the result was the same. It has been hard for me to swallow and understand the silence. I have never been good with people who don't follow through on things. It is the only thing I really ask of anyone is just to do what they say. I value and respect my friends when I feel like they don't value and respect me in return it hurts.
In the midst of this I received a phone call out of left field a friend of another friend someone talented at business had a proposition for me to do what I do best propagating genetically diverse plants that have proven themselves durable overtime. For many years now he has run a very profitable side business selling plants. After a recent discussion with me and some time spent in helping him with some plants that were giving him problems he had come to the conclusion I was indispensable to his operation. I am now his partner and I couldn't ask for a better one.
So it is with joy to the future and the sorrow and regret of trust and friendship causally tossed aside and lost that I pack my bags to leave my childhood behind for a time and return to my adult life and a bright new interesting future where the possibilities are endless.