As the newly ascended King of the Birther Movement (watch out when "throne" and "movement" are in the same sentence), it behooves you to come up to speed quickly on the rules and special requirements of your realm.
Let's take Birth Certificates, for starters. In Birthistan, these are the ironclad requirements for a valid birth certificate that will serve to assure We The People that the bearer is a bona fide, full-blooded Natural Born Citizen, and qualified to be President or Vice President according to Article II Question 1 of the United States Constitution:
- It must be a "long form" certificate -- not a short form, abstract, summary, or index.
- It must be titled "Certificate," not "Certification."
- It must be original, not a copy of any kind, including microfiche. An original means contemporaneous with the birth itself, and with actual ink signatures, smudgeable typing, etc.
- It must be dated NO MORE than 3 days after the alleged birth.
- It must say "Accepted" or "Registered," and not "Filed." Or maybe it's the other way around.
- It may not have been amended for any reason, including: to correct an error, name change, sex change, adoption, clerical processing, or any other reason.
- It must not be merely "an image on the Internet." It has to be the actual physical object, the same one that has been used throughout the prospective candidate's life for Little League and driver's licenses.
- If the proffered Certificate has been used to acquire a US Passport, or to travel through Canada, this does NOT count in its favor. Someone who has a passport is not a good prospect for President anyway.
- It must list AT LEAST all of the following personal identifiers:
- Christian name (and it must BE a "Christian" name)
- Full Middle Name
- Surname
- Sex
- Parents' full names
- Parents' occupations
- Parents' nationality
- Parents' race(s)
- Parents' home address
- Unique sequential index number from the issuing authority
- Hospital name and address
- Attending physician name and degree certifications
- Names and addresses of two (2) witnesses
- Date and time of birth. The date must be in the normal American style, Month/Date/Year, not some alien Euro sequence.
- Weight
- Race
- Footprints in ink of the infant
- A raised seal of the issuing authority
- A signature of the state registrar or other issuing authority
- Date stamp from the issuing authority
- Security paper
- It is not sufficient that the issuing authority itself vouch for the Certificate -- it must pass mustard by two independent forensic document authentication specialists. These are usually provided by World Net Daily, and paid for by the non-partisan Corsi-Brown-Swift-Disqualification-Veterans-For-Truth Foundation(s) (Laguna Niguel, CA)
- For the purposes of according full and perfect honor and respect to the US Constitution (Article II), it may be necessary to disregard the US Constitution (Article IV and 14th Amendment).
Any shortcoming in these tests
may disqualify the candidate directly. The final test is to have Sharon "Crystal Chalice Jackson" Meroni (an experienced Illinois Poll Judge) look at the prospective candidate, and listen to him. If she finds that he is "clearly American" and his name, appearance, and accent raise no "question" regarding his "eligibility," then some few shortcomings in the Birth Certificate can be safely overlooked. For example, I'm sure that worthless POS memento from Jamaica Hospital of
yours will do just fine. Don't you worry about a thing.
Lastly, nobody anywhere can have any "lingering questions" whatsoever about the Certificate. If anyone harbors any question whatever (even one that has been answered), it means the candidate's eligibility is a legitimate national issue.
I know it seems like a lot to remember, but as Sovereign of Birthistan you have taken on the solemn and critical role of vetting all future candidates. Well, current candidates. Well, one of them.
Because you never know what kind of person might slip through if they were permitted to demonstrate their eligibility the way Presidents 1-43 did.