So, I flip open the laptop this morning to see the day's news, and front and center find a Times story about the Great David Koch. This misunderstood man of the people, I was elated to learn, had just yesterday donated no less than $100 million to an important new integrative cancer research center at MIT...
cross-posted at Popletters.
At the founding ceremony for the center, which will be called the People's Institute for Integrative Cancer Research -- no, just kidding, it's called the David H. Koch Institute for Integrative Cancer Research -- David H. Koch sounded the alarm about troubled times that may lie ahead for his pet cause:
In his speech at the opening ceremony, Mr. Koch warned that government spending cuts could impede cancer research. And he urged donors to fill the gap.
“The National Institutes of Health, and the National Cancer Institute in particular, are facing serious cutbacks in their funding due to the massive deficits the federal government is incurring,” he said in his speech, in a tent outside the seven-story building. “If the cutbacks happen, it will significantly diminish the level of research that can be carried on at the Koch Institute. I earnestly ask you to do all you can to help maintain the superb research at the Koch Institute at its maximum level.”
Oh, I get it. Massive federal deficits, alarmingly, could cause cutbacks in cancer research. How awful! Those horrible federal deficits caused by spending on...what? All that stuff other than cancer research that the Koch dickheads spend millions trying to convince Congressmen and the public to stop spending money on? And why, one might ask, does David H. Koch make such a huge exception for cancer research, among all the ostensibly worthy things the government spends taxpayer money on? I mean, here's one of the most notable libertarians on the entire freaking planet, turning around and warning about a civic-minded cause whose funding loss due to government budgetary restrictions he clearly feels passionately about, so what on Earth could possibly cause this complete reversal of every principle he holds so dear to his --
Mr. Koch said that he became passionate about cancer research after he learned in 1992 that he had prostate cancer.
Ah. Of course. Silly me.
He said he was originally told he would not live long. Since then, he said, he has treated it with radiation, surgery, hormones and, for the last year, an experimental drug called Abiraterone that he said worked like a miracle.
He has given or pledged more than $200 million to fight cancer, here and at other cancer centers including Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York and the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. Mr. Koch explained that he was following the same strategy he once used when he placed a bet on the winner of the Kentucky Derby. “I bought a ticket on every horse in the race,” he said.
How nice for the billionaire that he can afford to buy a ticket on every horse in the race. And when he isn't busy buying all those tickets on his own behalf, of course, he's busy lobbying to make sure that nobody else gets any tickets whatsoever.
David H. Koch, on behalf of myself and every other man who might someday get prostate cancer, I thank you, sincerely, for your extremely generous donation to a cause whose fulfillment might someday benefit millions of people around the world (who have health insurance and can afford the treatments).
Oh, and also, just as sincerely: go fuck yourself.