There's another name for it, it's not "Murphy's Law" it's something else that kicks in when you are trying to accomplish something big, life changing, and it something that resembles a brick wall that keeps popping up in front of you as you move along in your plight.
I know it's not just 'my thing" and I am sure it happens to everyone on some level on the "Gus" road, but these last few weeks have been magnified by some of the worst things that can happen to a person who has given up tobacco.
These things that have occurred in my life since I quit, are triggers to light up and light up again and again during a time when all you want is peace and time to reason with yourself about what you are doing and why.
For instance, we had an opportunity to come to New York for a month and decided to do it. Our truck was not appropriate to drive up there so, we went out on a limb and purchased a later model for the trip and the extra space. We live in the middle of nowhere in Central Florida and the crime rate is mighty low, but we had the truck in our driveway and there was a storm, the first few days after we purchased it. My husband went out to the driveway next morning, someone stole the tailgate off the back which was unlocked and it seems that they are removable without much effort. Getting a tailgate was not easy, it required dealership promises, insurance company visits and phone time. We had a date to leave that could not be changed. Tobacco was in order for this and not available, the strain was difficult, but not impossible and I managed to get through the episode and on to the next with some trouble but no cigarette. I felt proud but I was unaware that it was going to be a rough road ahead.
It took two weeks to get everything together including a trip to Broward County the day before we started our journey 6 hours, back and forth to pick up the unpainted, unassembled tailgate and the night before getting it on the truck and and assembled packed and ready to go.
That trip took place on the 15th of April and it was up the east coast to New York on Route 95. I didn't realize that the biggest storm was coming our way ready to collide with our plans, but that's for later. In the mean time, I had ordered some filters for my E cigarette which I had weaned myself down to 3 or 4 puffs a day, but still, was fearful of not having anything to help me during this time and all was going well, until UPS sent a note that the delivery time was going to occur after we had left. They changed it. We thought that perhaps somewhere along the way there might be a mall with a Kioske I don't care if it's spelled incorrectly, that sold the stuff, but that never happened and so we continued our ride without any NRT for me.
Our first night we stopped in Fayetteville, North Carolina at a Red Roof Inn. We had our dogs with us and you are limited, but I was proud to ask for a Non Smoking room and felt good about the trip so far. The weather had been beautiful and we drove 7 hours that day. I had no idea what was to befall us the next day, but my husband who sees himself as a semi professional meteorologist had linked our computer to the oncoming storm information and, not wanting to worry me had said that if we leave at 6 AM we can beat the rains, (he called it Rains) that were coming, knowing how I hate driving in the rain, especially his driving.
By 11AM that morning we were somewhere in Virginia, when it started to drizzle. Straight ahead the skies were eternally gray and filled with unattractive clouds. I started to ask questions about whether we should look for a place to stay and ride out the storm coming, but no, he assured me that to keep on driving was the only way to go. Back in the day when I smoked, I would have lit up several times in the car at that point, even though I didn't normally smoke in the car. But I had nothing and the anxiety coupled with not smoking started to escalate to greater heights. I looked for something in my bag to ingest for panic.
We were heading for the "End" of Long Island. I was informed that we would not be spending a night in a motel in New Jersey and if we had gotten that far, we'd go all the way. By 4PM it was pouring and windy and we were on the New Jersey Turnpike. His GPS some POS had some information that we would be on that road for 34 miles, Wrong, and so with the winds blowing and the cars on the road hydroplaning we continued. I could feel myself losing touch with reality and beyond needing a cigarette, I could not stand another second driving this route and wanted to get off the road but my husband refused to discuss it and I was afraid to hurt him because I was sure if I did he'd kill us both and the dogs on the road. He felt that if I just put my seat back and went to sleep, I'd be fine.
I can't go on, just to say that he chose the Throgs Neck Bridge to ride over to Long Island at 6PM and the winds were so strong that we moved from side to side trying to hold straight across it while this was the 3rd bridge in just a few hours that we had to negotiate. I am unfortunately "bridge phobic" on the best of days and by this point I was ready to pass out. No cigarettes. I thought of them. My niece asked us to bring 2 cartons of Pall Mall Green's from Florida for her. They were in the back of the truck. As I said I thought of them but they would be difficult to get to especially while driving.
We managed to make it to the end of Long Island, the thunder and lightning was horrendous and the winds were at least 50 MPH.
The next day we heard about the tornadoes in Fayetteville and Virginia and all over the south. I guess we were lucky to leave when we did, but it was a true test of commitment for me about giving up the cigarettes because I will tell you, at any time during that last leg of the journey, my husband would have stopped anywhere to buy me a pack, just to shut me up and I never asked.