- or,
Oprah throws a Tea Party!
" - and YOU get a unicorn, and YOU get a unicorn, and YOU get a unicorn - !!"
Like Steve Martin says,
You . . . can be a millionaire . . . and never pay taxes! You can be a millionaire . . . and never pay taxes! You say, “Steve . . . how can I be a millionaire . . . and never pay taxes?"
First - get a million dollars.
Now! - you say, "Steve . . . what do I say to the tax man when he comes to my door and says, 'You . . . have never paid taxes'?" Two simple words. Two simple words in the English language:
"I forgot!"
Yippee!! I can hardly wait! Paul Ryan and the Republicans (Great '60s Tribute Band, or Greatest '60s Tribute Band?) are going to help make this country GREAT again!!
We'll have roads paved with gold - paved by the free market! - and fountains that gush champagne, and a Kobe beef steak in every pot, and two Hummers in every garage!
And no black presidents - or even any black people at all! And no Muslims, except in places where there's no oil!
And there will be oil everywhere, and we will drill for it, including in Yosemite National Park! - except it won't be a national park, it will be Six Flags Over Yosemite Studios Orlando!
And Sarah Palin will be president and Michelle Bachmann will be Attorney General!
And every town will have a Wal-Mart - and an oil well!
And government will get out of my Medicare! And out of death panels, too! And out of my Social Security!
And my fire department will be the best one I can afford!
And libraries will only have books that prove Jesus's dinosaur
was NOT gay in ANY WAY!
And Ronald Reagan will have a national holiday! And everyone will have a job!
And the Constitution will become the law of the land! And NOT Sharia law, which will be banned from becoming law!
And no Muslims ANYWHERE! And no mosques, especially at Ground Zero, where thousands of REAL Americans died, and no Muslims!
And democracy will sprout everywhere we drop our bombs! And all our bombs will be FREEDOM bombs! Sponsored by Exxon/Mobil!! And cruise missiles! We will have cruise missiles of Democracy!
And no taxes! Which means QUAZILLIONS of more jobs! And Tom Donohue will be our ambassador of good will!
And no more lobbyists! And no more government!
And sewers dictated by the free market! And schools full of non-union-thug teachers measured by infallible standardized tests, run by enlightened corporation-people!!
And no environmental regulations, only those selected by the free market! And no safety regulations or food quality controls! And no child labor laws! Only the free market will rule!
I can't wait!!