(Crossposted from www.alphanovus.org )
After more than two years of dispute regarding President Obama's legitimacy as a United States citizen, congressional leaders announced today that they have reached a bi-partisan compromise.
The bill, HR-1234, the Birthplace Relocation Act, the first bill in congressional history to be co-sponsored by every Republican in the House of Representatives, originally started off with the intent of simply crossing out the President's birthplace and writing "KENYA!!" [sic] with a permanent marker. After months of negotiation, a compromise was finally reached. The following is a list of amendments that wound up being removed from the final bill:
-The Kyl amendment, which would allow Obama to pick any city in Kenya he wanted.
-The Inhofe Amendment which would display Obama's birth weight using units from the metric system.
-The Bachmann amendment, which proposed adding a parenthetical note next to Obama's name mentioning that he loves socialism.
-The McCain amendment which would add "Bin Laden" to Obama's middle name.
-The DeMint amendment, which modified the McCain amendment so that "Bin Laden" could be placed either before OR after "Hussein".
The final bill states that the location of President Obama's birth certificate will be altered so that, instead of displaying Honolulu, Hawaii, it now displays San Juan, Puerto Rico. This compromise met with approval on both sides since it allowed the President to technically maintain his status as President, but also provided some satisfaction to many Republicans and Tea Party members due to the fact that the new location sounds more foreign.
The bill passed both the House and Senate with strong majorities and will be signed into law by President Obama next week.
"This new bill signifies that people of all political ideologies and intelligence levels can come together and eventually come to an agreement on any issue, no matter how controversial or inane that issue may be."
The President the took a few minutes to gloat about how he got a much better deal than he expected.
"Some on the left have chided me for not fighting harder to maintain my actual place of birth. While I can certainly sympathize with such feelings, the sad truth is that we don't have the luxury of living in an ideal political environment. If we started from scratch, then sure I'd want to convince people that I was actually born in Honolulu. But the reality is that we can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."
However, not all were content with the new compromise. At a Tea Party rally attended by 30 people (most of which were reporters), Rep. Peter King (R-NY) said that although he eventually voted for the bill, he and his fellow Republicans may come to regret such an action.
"It was bad enough when Obama was a radical, fundamentalist muslim. Now to make matters worse, he's an illegal too!"