With only six days left before we lose most of our Pillars of Morality, we really better get our act together. How are we possibly going to get along without the likes of George Bush, Sarah Palin and Pat Robertson? The gays are going to run amok. It’s going to be sodomy in the streets as soon as all of our true Christians are wafted up on clouds to their rightful places alongside the King of Kings. We are in trouble America, and there’s precious little time left.
In an effort to transition from World full of Righteous to World without Pious I have a few suggestions. Please add to them what you will in the comments section.
It seems that we will be without most of our Republican Politicians after Saturday, so I suggest we pass an even more comprehensive Health Care Bill on Monday. We’re gonna need it. The good news is, we can use all of their Left-Behind cash to pay for it. We can call it the Rapture Capture, an economic dividend that might actually pay for Single payer and Health care for all. And it won’t matter that it’s a socialist program, cause we’re all fucked anyhow.
Someone’s gotta organize some serious Tag Sales. There’s going to be a lot of Velvet paintings of Jesus just hanging around for the taking, and it would be a shame to just let them go to waste. And don’t forget, all of them crazy Televangelist preachers will be gone, so we’re going to have a lot of frizzy wigs, Bentley automobiles, and eyeliner/pancake makeup to sell off.
We need to have someone dispose of Sarah Palin’s meatlocker. There’s no reason to let all that frozen moosemeat and caribou go bad. Leave some behind for Bristol, with her checkered past I doubt she’ll be going anywhere. I have dibs on the Palin gun cabinet.
I’m not really sure if anybody’s going to be left from the Southern New Jersey border to Mexico, with the exception of the Washington Press Corps and Washington Lobbyists. We need to make sure that we’re not invaded by Mexico. My suggestion is that we form a Militia of the Press corps/lobbyists to fight the Mexicans. Nobody will give a shit if they lose, and really, why not let the Mexicans have the south anyway.
Please, would someone just burn Fred Phelp’s compound to the ground as soon as they’re raptured. Good Riddance.
San Francisco: Go about your business as usual. Nothing’s changed.
There’s a shitload to do, and we have to get prepared. Please indicate in the comments what you’re going to take care of so we don’t duplicate efforts. We need to get on the ball. Thanks in advance for your contributions.