Well, teacher appreciation week is over. While I do appreciate all the kind words and the efforts of my principal, the classified staff at my school, and the parents' club to make us feel special, I'm left with a really strange feeling after this week. Maybe if I explain a few things that happened, it will help.
Teacher Appreciation Week was a crazy week at my school. It was our last week of state testing. My team had been called in to the principal before the tests and told our test scores in reading were a problem and we needed to do something about it. Never mind that we are completely in compliance with using the new reading core curriculum that was mandated by our district this year, and we've never had a problem with reading test scores as a team before this year, the buck stops with us. So now if eight out of sixteen special education students in the fourth and fifth grade don't meet the benchmark in reading, our school will not meet AYP for the second year and further sanctions will be imposed upon our school. And it will all be our fault. One of my teaching partners mentioned rationally that if those students were at grade level in reading, they probably wouldn't be in special education, but that didn't really matter. The pressure was on and we had to figure out a plan for success. I'm sure my principal didn't mean to make us feel that way, but she is feeling pressure from above and just passing it along to us.
It was also a week which included several school-wide activities such as a school-wide writing festival, and a poster contest advertising our school carnival, along with all-school behavior lessons to remind kids that school isn't over yet (which my students needed because of visits from the middle school for our transitioning fifth graders that also took place this week.)
In addition my principal chose to do observations for our yearly evaluations. We aren't supposed to be required to have formal evaluations. We supposedly can choose a professional development model in which we set goals and collect data to support those goals and have meetings with the principal to share our data. But my principal explained that she's worried that in this day of losing collective bargaining, she wants to protect us by having more evaluation notes in our files. So instead of the goals which I meticulously set and have been monitoring all year, I needed to have her observe a lesson so she can put something in my file to protect me. Somehow it unnerved me. I don't mind being observed, but it was just one more thing to think about. It worried me instead of making me feel protected.
Also, our union is starting negotiations and the word is that the administration is going to try to do away with tenure. I wouldn't normally worry about it that much because we have a pretty strong union, but it does worry me because the nearby community college is poised to go on strike next week, not because of money issues, which they've already conceded, but mainly because of these types of issues. So I'm more than a little worried about our bargaining. I don't even pray for a raise to cover the cost of inflation. I'm just hoping not to go too far backwards again.
So needless to say, it was crazy busy this week. I honestly didn't have time to go to the faculty room to partake in all the treats that our classified staff and principal brought to celebrate teacher appreciation week. I did appreciate the thought, and loved the little treats like apples, erasers, and candy they put in our boxes. They even had a masseuse come in and do ten minute massages, which was great, but I had to hurry out of there because I had recess duty.
On Wednesday we had a faculty meeting where our principal shared the proposed configuration of classrooms for next year. We're losing two more teachers and will take another five or more days of furlough due to budget problems. For my team it means that we will be split up since there will no longer be three fifth grade classes. Instead there will be two fifth grade classes of at least 37 or 38 (probably more). And that's my best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that I will be moved to teach second or third grade or even a 2-3 blend. I've taught several different grades before, so it's not that I couldn't do it. I actually think it's good to mix things up and do something different. I've done it many times in my career. I just prefer the older kids. I've been collecting books and materials for over fifteen years that won't fit for primary grades and I don't have many materials for those grades any more. If I would have known that this was a possibility, I would have put in to transfer to another building in the district. But of course it's beyond the transfer date, so I'll just have to do whatever my principal asks.
I know I shouldn't complain though because at least I have a job when some people are being cut. I find myself hoping she liked my lesson so she chooses for me to stay at fifth grade. Then I feel guilty for thinking that because I don't want to lose my teaching partners and I know that means one of them will be moved. I vacillate from thinking I should volunteer to be moved because it would be easier on me to switch grade levels than it would be on my partners, to not wanting to volunteer because I'd have to move all my stuff to a new classroom in another part of the building. Having a good team is so important to being a good teacher. It leaves me feeling all sad and weird and guilty for wanting to stay at my grade level.
So maybe you can see how I came away with a weird feeling at the end of Teacher Appreciation Week. It's the same feeling I had when I read Arne Duncan's letter to teachers. It's like I see your mouth moving, but your words don't make any sense to me because they don't even come close to my reality.
Somehow I don't exactly feel appreciated.