For no driving reason at the time, 15 weeks ago I quit smoking. It's been a roller coaster ride since then, some highs, some lows so I'll tell you I'm not really sure what's the big deal here.
To refresh the memory, I quit at the time, I think because I was tired of the dependence on the drug. It wasn't a well thought out act. It was a Saturday night and I didn't want to go to Walgreens for a pack of Marlboros. I had some old Nicorette gum in the house used for air travel and figured I'd make it until at least Sunday if necessary. When Sunday came, it was like a game I played with myself. "I could go for a pack, or chew a piece of gum"
I made no announcements that day, but had someplace inside me made one to myself that "this was it" and I was going to get me an E cigarette solely for the purpose of quitting, not to continue smoking in inappropriate places.
So that's how it went. I was ready, I guess, after so many years of dependence on this drug to give it up. I had quit before for long periods of time. 3 years once and 4 years another time and I am really very aware that all this is very tentative and one should not boast about things like addictions because they can come back to bite you in the ass, not at times when it's almost appropriate, but at subtle moments, when you feel safe with yourself that you could pick up a cigarette for no reason except that it's offered or just there.
Aside from the obvious health reasons for quitting, and the squeals of joy from strangers even, that find out that one more person is not polluting their air, I am not sure for myself what the big deal is here. I am not a happier person, clearly I am a "fatter" person. Getting used to that at first really was hard, but at this point I am at the "I don't look that bad" stage and could care less. I did do the Atkins diet for 2 weeks, had several migraine headaches and lost 4 of the 10 pounds that I so easily gained. Heard hundreds of hints on better diets, rode 10miles a week on my stationary bike, which reminds me, I haven't been on that for a couple of days. Today is the day.
I read about the "Demons" that come and go at specific times in your quitting experience and really they did come and go. Sometimes I feel like screaming and it's rarer these days but yes, I do feel so angry that I want to do something terrible. I think it's the addiction. I don't remember being that way when I smoked. I tell myself that it will pass and it does.
I think I was happier with my cigarette in hand, it took me through the really rough times, the drinking, laughing out with friends times, just on the phone forever times. Now it's just me functioning, getting through those times alone. I do know that everyone in my family is far happier than I am that I quit. Does that make it better? I don't know.