My phone rang while I was sipping coffee and reading Facebook. The caller ID showed "Washington DC" and a 202 area code. Naturally, I picked up the phone, thinking that either the President urgently needed me, or my super-wingnut Congressman, Trent Franks needed help filling the potholes in DC. But no, it was just a robocall from the Rmoney campaign begging for "just three dollars" because poor Mitt was losing the money race. (wow, he must really not be coordinating with the SuperPACs who are expected to spend $1,000,000,000) on his behalf). Now I would never contribute a peso to any GOP candidate because I have a functioning brain, heart and soul. But this call was so freakin' awful and because I am a bleeding heart liberal who can't fight the urge to help people, I am going to give the Rmoney campaign some free advice.
1) Don't fucking yell at me. A robocall is not the same as an ad for a monster truck rally this Sunday, Sunday, Sundaaaay. Mitt, I am sure you don't follow monster truck racing but you probably have friends who own monster truck teams, or at least radio stations that run those awful ads. You know what I'm talking about. So knock it off.
2) Don't be so slick. People already think you are a soulless craven automaton - and those are your supporters. Your spokesyeller had all the sincerity of Crazy Eddie on WPIX back in the Seventies - or of Mitt Rmoney today.
3) If you are such a good businessman, why are you wasting money calling registered Democrats? Does a good businessman waste money targeting a demographic he has no chance of reaching? This is why Wilford Brimley shows up during The Price Is Right and not on Spike TV. Not even during CSI reruns.
4) Don't throw out numbers and statistics. Your target demo doesn't like math. Plus, they were all wrong. I know lying doesn't particularly bother you. But some day you'll have to answer to God on the planet Kolob.
And finally - please ignore this advice. It was the worst robocall I have ever received and the more you ignore me, the worse you will do in November. That is my goal and that is why my guy Obama will get more than my $.02.