What can I say, Todd? Thank you. Thank you so very much. Little did I know that birth control was unnecessary. We can all save money on birth control just by having our partners scream, "Rape!" after intercourse. This will no doubt change the arc of history to the good.
Since you've helped us all so much I thought I might pass somethings on to you that you might not know. Take a peek beyond the orange poopy pile to see.
* When odering Brussels Sprouts in Brussels you can just say sprouts. It's a real time saver.
* If you go in a bank with panty hose on your head and an assualt weapon, they will give you free checking and a microwave oven. Go with a few of your friends and they will put you on the Board of Directors.
* All the art in the Guggenheim Museum is fake and they will let you have any of it for free. Just tuck it under your arm and walk out.
* Tell the cops you are a Shriner if you are stopped for any reason. They can't do anything to you because you out-rank them. And can take their guns.
Thanks again, Todd. Feel free to pass this information on in future dealings with the lame-stream media. They'll think you're a gotdamn genius. You don't even have to give me credit.