Last night, Jon Stewart focused on just how vague the Romney campaign has been on how they'll actually accomplish all the things they claim to want to do. Even Paul Ryan, supposedly the "numbers guy", isn't providing any details.
But all right. We have been irresponsible with government spending. Romney, bring the tough love. What are we going to lose?
MITT ROMNEY (9/23/2012): I don't want any change to Medicare for current seniors, or for those that are nearing retirement. ... No change to Social Security for those that are in retirement or near retirement.
All right, so it's immoral debt, but hands off the core entitlements. They've literally been grandfathered in, grandmothered. Probably the more peripheral entitlements gots ta go.
MITT ROMNEY (9/26/2012): I'm going to make sure we have the kind of training programs that give people the skills they need for the jobs of today.
OK, so hands off Chinese language instruction programs. I guess the cuts are going to come from big spending boondoggley stuff, like defense.
MITT ROMNEY (10/8/2012): I'll restore our Navy to the size needed to fulfill our missions by building 15 ships per year, including three submarines.
Ah! It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but with three submarines, just seven more and America gets a free sandwich!
(audience applause)
So, big defense projects and the socialist programs our country of self-reliant bootstrappers have come to rely on — those will not be touched. Looks like somebody's raising taxes.
MITT ROMNEY (2/22/2012): I'm going to lower rates across the board for all Americans by 20%.
What?!? This is incre....! We get to keep all our stuff and pay less for it? This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all the flavor but none of the calories.
And of course, every now and again, a hint, a scotch(?) of anal leakage, but it's fine. You know, you'd be in a meeting, and your ass would do a spit-take. But the point is this: they were delicious. And what red-blooded American wouldn't trade flavor for occasional ass-juice? The point is — by the way, I am just going to assume they are not a sponsor.
....
So you're repealing Obamacare, but you're keeping the good parts of health care and Social Security and Medicare for current seniors, and you're going to keep the employment programs, and you're going to cut taxes by 20%, and you're going to build more submarines and destroyers that the Pentagon even wants, and finally tackle our immoral debt and deficit.
I'm gonna ask you a question. Let me see if I got it here. (takes out clipboard) As an American voter, and I think this is important, are you a wizard?
(wild audience cheering and applause)
No? Do you know, or have you ever captured, a leprechaun?
Is there a goose in your house whose eggs, when said goose produces them, are gigantic and unliftably heavy?
Cuz if not, you're lying!
....
This reminds me of something. This reminds me of a simpler time, when the country was also emerging from a gigantic financial crisis, and a bold young man running for his second presidential term was asserting the need for wealthier Americans to sacrifice to help pay for popular social programs. I remember it like it was yesterday.
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT (9/29/1936): Let me warn you, and let me warn the nation, against the smooth evasion that says, "Of course we believe these things. We believe in Social Security. We believe in work for the unemployed. We believe in saving homes. Cross our hearts and hope to die! We believe in all these things. But we do not like the way that the present administration is doing them. Just turn them over to us. We will do all of them, we will do more of them, we will do them better, and most important of all, the doing of them will not cost anybody anything!"
Yeah, I bet that guy lost.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
Ladies and gentlemen, with just four weeks to go till Election Day, the insurmountable unblowable lead that President Barack Obama enjoyed post-convention has been mounted and blown by Mitt Romney. (audience laughter) I stand by that phrasing. And it is now Mitt Romney who cannot be mounted or blown. (audience laughter) Ah, there's a better way of saying this, I'm sure.
So perhaps now is the time to actually pay attention to what our future overlord has been saying — his hopes, his dreams, his assessment of the state of the country now that he is 100% assured of winning this election, as Obama was just last weekend.
MITT ROMNEY (9/27/2012): This is unacceptable. It is not working.
MITT ROMNEY (10/3/2012): Trillion dollar deficits for the last four years.
MITT ROMNEY (9/26/2012): There's over $16 trillion dollars in debt.
MITT ROMNEY (9/26/2012): Harder and harder for small businesses to grow and thrive.
MITT ROMNEY (10/3/2012): The amount of debt we're adding at a trillion a year is simply not moral.
Not moral! That means for Mitt Romney, this terrible debt is worse than... coffee.
"Jon?"
"Yes, Mormon God?"
"Not cool, bro."
"Shouldn't you be on Broadway?"
"No!"
(audience applause)
But all right. We have been irresponsible with government spending. Romney, bring the tough love. What are we going to lose?
MITT ROMNEY (9/23/2012): I don't want any change to Medicare for current seniors, or for those that are nearing retirement. ... No change to Social Security for those that are in retirement or near retirement.
All right, so it's immoral debt, but hands off the core entitlements. They've literally been grandfathered in, grandmothered. Probably the more peripheral entitlements gots ta go.
MITT ROMNEY (9/26/2012): I'm going to make sure we have the kind of training programs that give people the skills they need for the jobs of today.
OK, so hands off Chinese language instruction programs. I guess the cuts are going to come from big spending boondoggley stuff, like defense.
MITT ROMNEY (10/8/2012): I'll restore our Navy to the size needed to fulfill our missions by building 15 ships per year, including three submarines.
Ah! It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but with three submarines, just seven more and America gets a free sandwich!
(audience applause)
So, big defense projects and the socialist programs our country of self-reliant bootstrappers have come to rely on — those will not be touched. Looks like somebody's raising taxes.
MITT ROMNEY (2/22/2012): I'm going to lower rates across the board for all Americans by 20%.
What?!? This is incre....! We get to keep all our stuff and pay less for it? This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all the flavor but none of the calories.
And of course, every now and again, a hint, a scotch(?) of anal leakage, but it's fine. You know, you'd be in a meeting, and your ass would do a spit-take. But the point is this: they were delicious. And what red-blooded American wouldn't trade flavor for occasional ass-juice? The point is — by the way, I am just going to assume they are not a sponsor. That's a phone call I don't think I would want to take.
Romney, what are you cutting? Anything?
MITT ROMNEY (6/28/2012): Obamacare adds trillions to our deficit and to our national debt.
MITT ROMNEY (9/23/2012): I will repeal Obamacare.
All right. That's something. And while the statement "Obamacare adds trillions to our deficit and to our national debt" is a LLLLLIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE, a complete lie, the point is, it's going. We have an immoral debt to tackle. And while covering people with pre-existing conditions and keeping people on their parents' health insurance are popular Obamacare provisions, tough decisions have to be made. It's what leaders do.
MITT ROMNEY (9/9/2012): There are a number of things that I like in health care reform. ... One, is to make sure that those with pre-existing conditions can get coverage. Two, is to assure that the marketplace allows for individuals that have policies that cover their family up to whatever age they might like.
So you're repealing Obamacare, but you're keeping the good parts of health care and Social Security and Medicare for current seniors, and you're going to keep the employment programs, and you're going to cut taxes by 20%, and you're going to build more submarines and destroyers that the Pentagon even wants, and finally tackle our immoral debt and deficit.
I'm gonna ask you a question. Let me see if I got it here. (takes out clipboard) As an American voter, and I think this is important, are you a wizard?
(wild audience cheering and applause)
No? Do you know, or have you ever captured, a leprechaun?
Is there a goose in your house whose eggs, when said goose produces them, are gigantic and unliftably heavy?
Cuz if not, you're lying!
MITT ROMNEY (9/23/2012): Let's get rid of some of the loopholes, deductions, special deals, such that we're able to pay for the reduction.
Oh, that's how you're going to pay, closing loopholes. All right, well now we're getting down to something. Let's do it. What are we starting with, mortgage interest and charitable donations? That's $150 billion a year in the government kitty.
MITT ROMNEY (2/22/2012): I want to make sure that you understand for middle income families, the deductibility of home mortgage interest and charitable contributions, those things will continue.
Kitty still hungry. How about the capital gains loophole that lowers the tax rate on investment income? That's $71 billion a year, giveaway to one-percenters if there ever was one.
9/23/2012:
MITT ROMNEY: One of the reasons why the capital gains tax rate is lower is because capital's already been taxed once at the corporate level, as high as 35%.
SCOTT PELLEY: So you think it is fair?
MITT ROMNEY: I think it's the right way to encourage economic growth.
In fact, Romney hasn't specified a single fucking deduction! Ten largest current individual tax breaks totaling $842 billion dollars a year for elimination, not one! Dude couldn't be more vague if he were an HBO season finale! Boom! Boom! Take that! Take that, Hung season 3! How could you end the season without letting us know what Ray is going to do next with his giant dong?
Well, you can't expect Romney to lay out a specific plan with numbers and budgets. He's not a businessman. (listens to earpiece) Sorry?
We need a numbers guy!
PAUL RYAN (11/1/2011): As you all know me, I'm a numbers guy.
There he is! The Capitol Hill Accountant, the Wonk from Wisconsin, the Mathematician from Madison's... General Vicinity. Lay it on us, numbers guy. How do we know the debt-reducing morality-increasing Romney/Ryan fiscal plan will work?
PAUL RYAN (9/30/2012): We've run the numbers, I've run them in Congress, they do.
OK! So... what are the numbers?
9/30/2012:
CHRIS WALLACE: But how much would it cost?
PAUL RYAN: It's revenue neutral.
CHRIS WALLACE: How much does that cost?
PAUL RYAN: It's revenue neutral.
CHRIS WALLACE: You still haven't given me that math.
PAUL RYAN: No, but you... well, I don't have the time. It would take me too long to go through all of the math.
"How about this? You're busy? Leave it with us, we'll look it over." Unless it's all... bullshit.
This reminds me of something. This reminds me of a simpler time, when the country was also emerging from a gigantic financial crisis, and a bold young man running for his second presidential term was asserting the need for wealthier Americans to sacrifice to help pay for popular social programs. I remember it like it was yesterday.
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT (9/29/1936): Let me warn you, and let me warn the nation, against the smooth evasion that says, "Of course we believe these things. We believe in Social Security. We believe in work for the unemployed. We believe in saving homes. Cross our hearts and hope to die! We believe in all these things. But we do not like the way that the present administration is doing them. Just turn them over to us. We will do all of them, we will do more of them, we will do them better, and most important of all, the doing of them will not cost anybody anything!"
Yeah, I bet that guy lost. We'll be right back.
Jessica Williams then reported on a group that's torn on who to support:
black Mormons.
Meanwhile, Stephen noted how Obama asked his supporters to get more
obsessive about the election.
He then looked at how Mitt Romney is
making threats to start more wars in foreign countries.
He also looked at how global warming is causing a race for
Arctic riches by Russia and China.
Jon had on Ben Affleck to talk about his new movie Argo, and Stephen had on Morrissey, who performed "People Are the Same Everywhere", and "I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris" exclusively online.