Surely President Obama, by George Bush's calculations, earned a lot of political capital last night in what the New York Times will surely term "a decisive win."
Karl Rove is surely entitled to everlasting obscurity by once again demonstrating his Stephen Hawking-like grasp of The Math.
And surely Rove's comrades-in-errors, those pundits on the right like Peggy Noonan and Dick Morris and - well, all of them - surely they no longer will be able to command attention for their unerringly stupid prognostications and pronouncements.
Surely last night's results mean that no Democrat ever again will parrot the trope about "the need to reach across the aisle," to find the middle ground that some say surely lies somewhere between Reason and my daughters' uteri.
Surely the principals of all of the campaigns learned their lessons about the perils of mendacity and incivility, since it is well known that everyone on both sides equally degraded the level of discourse by their lies, half-truths and unfounded character assassinations.
Surely Americans will never again believe in the Titan of Business meme, since those titans - including Mitt Romney, Linda McMahon, the Kochs, Sheldon Adelson and others, facilitated by genius Rove - invested a billion or two of their own dollars for zero return. Surely Americans now understand that government is not a business and should not be run like one.
And surely Mitt Romney's loss will be taken as a warning to those who in future campaigns would conceal their tax returns and prevaricate about their employment history, and thus that will never happen again.
Surely the media were chastened by the results of the process, embarrassed by their insistence on painting the presidential campaign as a horse race even when they knew it was not; surely all political coverage henceforth will reflect the realities on the ground, and will hew faithfully to only the facts, free from bias and commercially motivated shadings of what is.
And surely The Will of The People once again prevailed in this grand experiment we call democracy - look at how many of them eagerly lined up to vote! look at how many of them had the proper ID! - surely a a sign of an enthusiastic electorate! Surely we can be proud of our state-by-state election procedures, decreed and implemented by people whose highest calling is to the sanctity of the voting rights of all people and the preservation of government of, by and for the people.
Finally, surely we now - having twice elected an African-American to the highest office in the land - are a post-racial society, where all people - not just 53%, but all people - are judged not by the color of their skin or the size of their Swiss bank accounts, but by the content of their character and the quality of their ideas.
Surely our long national nightmare is over.