Last night, Jon Stewart ripped into the GOP for their silly budget proposal response to Obama's budget proposal.
To their credit, though, the Republicans didn't just complain about the President's plan, they put forward, on paper, numbers of their own.
STEVE KORNACKI (12/3/2012): You see the offer there on your screen. $800 billion through tax reform, $600 billion in health savings, $300 billion in mandatory savings, $200 billion entitlement scale revision, $300 billion further discretionary savings. That nets to a total of $2.2 trillion dollars in savings.
All right, all right. So the GOP proposal is, if I'm adding that up correctly, $1.2 trillion in cuts. And a trillion in savings. And they leave the tax rates alone for the top 2%, and they.... Wait a minute.
The fiscal cliff — the thing we're trying to avoid — had $1.2 trillion in cuts. But half of those cuts were going to be to defense. This has $1.2 trillion in cuts, but they're just saying why don't we make the whole thing cuts to entitlements and domestic spending, and not cut defense at all?
Basically, they're trying to entice the Democrats by saying, "I don't want you to fall off this cliff. So why don't you voluntarily jump off this steeper cliff? But don't worry, your fall will be cushioned by lava."
....
I cannot wait until the Democrats get a hold of this Republican proposal. They are going to tear it to shreds.
REP. CHRIS VAN HOLLEN, D-MD (12/3/2012): The good news is he's put something in writing. The bad news is it doesn't really get us moving forward.
REP. XAVIER BECERRA, D-CA (12/4/2012): The Republican plan failed the very first test of fairness.
BARACK OBAMA (12/4/2012): Unfortunately, the Speaker's proposal right now is still out of balance.
"Out of balance?? Fails the fairness test??"
Where's your hysterical rhetoric? Where's your "I laughed in their fucking faces"? Where is your "DISAPPOINTED!!!"? Where is your "This proposal is an insult! This proposal will destroy America! This proposal is like Stalin fucking a bald eagle!"
(shocked audience laughter and applause)
I will guarantee you, Stalin was a hairier dude than that. I will guarantee it.
You know what? Maybe it's just time to stop this back and forth of offers. It's pretty clear the Republicans aren't ever going to come to the table with anything even remotely reasonable. So I'll be the one to say it.
I know it will be disastrous. I know it will doom our economy for years to come. But let's just go over the fucking cliff! Fine. Let's just go. Just leave the negotiating tables and send us over the cliff. Cuz you know why? At least for a few seconds, it'll feel like we're flying.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
We begin tonight with the ongoing negotiations to save our economy, or as we're calling it, Cliffpocalypsemageddonacaust, our totally solvable budget problem.
Four weeks, ladies and gentlemen, just 20-some days, our country will be heading over the fiscal cliff... that we ourselves dug and put in our way. It's the set of automatic spending cuts and tax hikes that could only be averted if our nation's leaders are able to display bare bones competence and middle school level maturity.
So is there a deal?
MAJOR GARRETT (12/4/2012): There is of course no deal.
Of course! Is there a prospect for a deal?
MAJOR GARRETT (12/4/2012): There is not a prospect for a deal.
Of course! But the ongoing talks....
MAJOR GARRETT (12/4/2012): There aren't even very many talks going on.
You're killing us! Give us something!
MAJOR GARRETT (12/4/2012): But for the first time, there are numbers on pieces of paper from both sides.
(wild audience cheering)
Numbers on paper!! Victoire! Victoire! We have numbers on paper! From both sides! Gonna be OK!
How were negotiations being conducted before they decided to put numbers on paper? Were they communicating by pheromones, like ants? Chuck Lorre vanity cards, is that how this was going? Were the two sides just spray painting the side of a camel, and hoping it wanders past the other side's office or other equally absurd examples of that?
So tell us about this paper with numbers on them.
MAJOR GARRETT (11/29/2012): $4 trillion dollars of deficit reduction over the next 10 years. It includes $1.6 trillion dollars in higher taxes on households making more than $250,000 dollars a year. There's also $400 billion dollars in cuts to entitlement programs. ... There's also some fresh new spending, $50 billion dollars next year in stimulus spending, all for infrastructure.
Ooh, green lettering, ooh. Jonny like.
OK, so we got a little tax hike here, a little entitlement trim there, basically telling the government it needs a mix of diet and exercise, if it wants to reduce its chances of succumbing to heart disease or swollen prostate... Christ, I just turned 50!
No, I'm sorry. Basically, this plan is around what Obama said he was going to do about the budget while he was on the campaign trail. So, I guess we could put that another way.
REP. JIM GERLACH, R-PA (11/30/2012): The proposal that came forward yesterday really is a joke.
SEN. JOHN CORNYN, R-TX (11/30/2012): I'm not surprised that my colleague, Senator McConnell, laughed at that proposal.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (12/2/2012): The President's plan does nothing but damn us to becoming Greece.
REP. TED POE, R-TX (12/2/2012): ... so ridiculous ...
SEN. ORRIN HATCH, R-UT (12/1/2012): ... disastrous ...
SEN. KELLY AYOTTE, R-NH (12/2/2012): ... very disappointing ... disappointed ... I'm really disappointed.
Really? Cuz you really don't sound that disappointed, quite frankly. You want to hear what disappointed really sounds like?
HERCULES: DISAPPOINTED!!!
That's disappointed. That guy's clearly disappointed. Even though that might have been, from what I understand from the Internet, a stage direction that he just happened to say out loud. I don't know if that's true, but why not spread it as far as I can?
To their credit, though, the Republicans didn't just complain about the President's plan, they put forward, on paper, numbers of their own.
STEVE KORNACKI (12/3/2012): You see the offer there on your screen. $800 billion through tax reform, $600 billion in health savings, $300 billion in mandatory savings, $200 billion entitlement scale revision, $300 billion further discretionary savings. That nets to a total of $2.2 trillion dollars in savings.
All right, all right. So the GOP proposal is, if I'm adding that up correctly, $1.2 trillion in cuts. And a trillion in savings. And they leave the tax rates alone for the top 2%, and they.... Wait a minute.
The fiscal cliff — the thing we're trying to avoid — had $1.2 trillion in cuts. But half of those cuts were going to be to defense. This has $1.2 trillion in cuts, but they're just saying why don't we make the whole thing cuts to entitlements and domestic spending, and not cut defense at all?
Basically, they're trying to entice the Democrats by saying, "I don't want you to fall off this cliff. So why don't you voluntarily jump off this steeper cliff? But don't worry, your fall will be cushioned by lava."
Now obviously, it's a negotiation. People take a hard line position. It's a starting point. And with the tax spike being the lowest it's been in America since the 1950s, most likely we're going to raise it back to the rate it was in the '90s for the upper 2% at some point, right?
JOHN BOEHNER (11/9/2012): Raising tax rates is unacceptable.
OK. So what exactly is your idea of a negotiation?
JOHN BOEHNER (12/2/2012): The President's idea of a negotiation is, roll over and do what I ask.
(incredulous audience response)
At least once he has you on your back, he asks. I can't wait till.... (audience applause) They're applauding the lack of rape. (audience applause) Now they're just mimicking me.
I cannot wait until the Democrats get a hold of this Republican proposal. They are going to tear it to shreds.
REP. CHRIS VAN HOLLEN, D-MD (12/3/2012): The good news is he's put something in writing. The bad news is it doesn't really get us moving forward.
REP. XAVIER BECERRA, D-CA (12/4/2012): The Republican plan failed the very first test of fairness.
BARACK OBAMA (12/4/2012): Unfortunately, the Speaker's proposal right now is still out of balance.
"Out of balance?? Fails the fairness test??"
Where's your hysterical rhetoric? Where's your "I laughed in their fucking faces"? Where is your "DISAPPOINTED!!!"? Where is your "This proposal is an insult! This proposal will destroy America! This proposal is like Stalin fucking a bald eagle!"
(shocked audience laughter and applause)
I will guarantee you, Stalin was a hairier dude than that. I will guarantee it.
You know what? Maybe it's just time to stop this back and forth of offers. It's pretty clear the Republicans aren't ever going to come to the table with anything even remotely reasonable. So I'll be the one to say it.
I know it will be disastrous. I know it will doom our economy for years to come. But let's just go over the fucking cliff! Fine. Let's just go. Just leave the negotiating tables and send us over the cliff. Cuz you know why? At least for a few seconds, it'll feel like we're flying.
Jon also looked at the
lack of women and minorities in the House GOP's committee chair picks.
Meanwhile, Stephen
continued with Hobbit Week by interviewing
Martin Freeman.
He talked about the
AndroGel commercial talking about Low-T, and the numerous side effects of taking the drug, and then looked at
Kate Middleton's pregnancy.
Jon had on New York Mets pitcher
R.A. Dickey, which went long. Here's the unedited interview in two parts.
Part 1
Part 2