On May 15th, 1977 my life changed forever.
Many of you reading this already know that I am a member of Tree Climbers at Daily Kos. But that's not really what this diary is all about. If you want the backgound, you can read about it in my inaugural Tree Climber diary.
Sure, that event in my childhood caused problems for me for the next 15 years in dealing with girls and women. But this post is about how I met someone who enabled me to leave all that behind.
Cat Stevens was one of my favorite artists when I was in college back in the 70's. And this song captured a lot of the angst I felt at that time. I knew that someday I would make a good husband and father, if only I would get the chance. But I sucked at being a boyfriend. On the few occasions when I had a date, I felt uncomfortable and tongue-tied. I just couldn't find the right words to say.
How Can I Tell You - by Cat Stevens
I need to know you
I need to feel my arms around you
Feel my arms surround you
Like sea around a shore
Each night I pray
In hopes that I might find you
In hopes that I might find you
Because hearts can do no more
Can do no more
It always adds up to one thing, honey
Still I kneel upon the floor
How can I tell you
That I love you
That I love you
And I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you
That I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you
But my words just blow away
Just blow away
It always adds up to one thing, honey
And I can't think of right words to say
But eventually, I did find her. We met at a party of a mutual friend, over a pool table in the upstairs game room. I noticed her right off. Not because she was some voluptuous Hollywood-style beauty. She was actually a tiny little thing - 5' 3" and only 88 lbs. But I was drawn into those deep brown eyes, that looked back at me without blinking, or looking away. There was a self-confidence there... an attitude that attracted me immediately. And there was a smile, just for me. We paired off for a game of pool. And voluptuous or not, when she bent over the table across from me, to line up her shot, she was a definite distraction to me. I still claim that it was that low cut blouse that did me in, but she says she beat me fair and square.
Even though I lost our game of eight-ball, I didn't harbor any grudges. And we spent the next six hours or more talking, basically ignoring the rest of the party that was going on around us. That amazed me, because I had never felt so comfortable talking with a woman before. There was none of the nervousness I usually felt. She put me completely at ease. And even when we weren't speaking, somehow the heart-to-heart communication between us continued.
This song by Alison Krauss summed up my feelings perfectly.
When You Say Nothing at All - by Alison Krauss
It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
Before I left the party that night, I did get her phone number. But in spite of how well the evening had gone, it still took me another four days before I could screw up my courage enough to call her. But I did. And she enthusiastically accepted my offer of a date that weekend.
Our date was an all-day affair... driving about an hour to an old community with a restored 19th century opera house. There we enjoyed a play and dinner, and then drove back to my house. We talked for awhile and she admired some of the framed photographs I had taken, on the wall of my living room. I told her I had more... on my bedroom walls. So she followed me down the hall to see them. (Years later, she told me that she was more than a little put out, when she discovered that all I wanted to do there was really, just show her my photographs!) We went back and sat on my couch, holding hands, talking, and listening to Linda Ronstadt. That's when she pulled my hand to her mouth and gently kissed it. Even I was smart enough to take that hint! And the kissing quickly accelerated.
That was the beginning of a whirlwind courtship. We saw each other virtually every day for the next five months. Within two months, I had given her an engagement ring. (She was a little nervous having that ring already on her finger when she met my family for the first time). But they all loved her. And I loved her family. Especially her daughter, by a previous marriage. She was just three and a half when we met. And she had just turned four when we married, exactly five months to the day after we first met. She served as our ring-bearer at the low key wedding. And to make sure that she felt a part of the ceremony, I gave her a little promise ring as well. From the day we married, with no urging on anyone's part, she began calling me Daddy. And for years afterward, every time we drove past that church, she would cry out "That's where we got married!"
I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I had not gone to that party... if I had never ever met her... if I had never made that phone call...
Fidelity - by Regina Spektor
suppose I never ever met you
suppose we never fell in love
suppose I never ever let you
kiss me so sweet and so soft
suppose I never ever saw you
suppose you never ever called
suppose I kept on singing love songs
just to break my own fall
Just a little over a year later, our son arrived. And a few months after that, I was able to adopt my daughter.
Sure there have been hardships over the years. That happens in every life. We had a big scare a few years ago when my wife had a virus attack her heart, diminishing her heart functions to dangerous levels. But a pacemaker has since brought her heart functions back to normal. During his teenage years, my son had several horrific traffic accidents... once being hit by a drunk driver who rolled my son's car over. But fortunately he never suffered any life-threatening injuries. My daughter bravely fought breast cancer in her 30's, and is thriving now, almost five years later. And she has provided us with two beautiful and loving granddaughters. So all in all, I feel like I have led a blessed life, and I count myself so fortunate to have the family that I do.
Today is the 35th anniversary of the day we met. Our wedding anniversary won't be until this fall. But that is almost an afterthought as a reason for celebration of our life together. It is May 15th that was the day that changed my life... the day I met the woman I would spend my life with.
The Nearness of You - by Norah Jones
It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no
It's just the nearness of you
When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you would only grant me the right
to hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night
The nearness of you
Happy Anniversary Ms. Tex. I love you!