Think about it for a second...this isn't some mass plan to give Chick-fil-A a boost during down times. This is part of our evil gay agenda. I signed a non-disclosure agreement with the Homosexual Recruitment and Conversion Centers of America, so I can't upload the PDF, but I can give a summary of our basic plan:
1: The CEO of fast food company Chick-fil-A comes out as bigoted.
2: There's a massive gay rights backlash against his company, with Chick-fil-A's consumer rating plummeting 41% since Dan Cathy's interview.
3: There's a True Christian Jesus Lover backlash against the gays, who are exempt from the whole "love thy neighbor" commandment.
4: A blowhard failure Republican politician will scurry out in front of the story and create some sort of bullshit "let's thank Chick-fil-A for supporting organizations that advocate for the murder and beating of gays" appreciation day.
5: All these old, fat conservatives flock to Chick-fil-A to fill their gullets with greasy food.
Bigots flooding a Chick-fil-A in Shreveport, LA today.
6: The grease contributes to
coronary artery disease, and the bigots die off faster.
See? Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day is really a secret plot by the gay agenda setters to kill off the bigots and make the world a less hateful place.
For their sake, if they want to keep spreading hate for the next decade or two, they'd better hope that a salad company comes out as bigoted right quick. Until then, eat up, conservatives. Every bite brings you closer to Jesus. But more likely here instead.