I wasn't alive during the summer of 1983 when Mitt Romney, taking leave from his job creating, drove from Boston to Ontario with his dog strapped to the roof for a family vacation. But the border between Canada and America was guarded way back then, right? What did the border guard see?
I was born in 1985 and can't testify to the security of the border in 1983. But I assume we had border guards and I wonder what the border guard thought when Mr. Romney pulled up to the queue to get into Canada. Romney might have been rich but he went through customs right? We were in a Cold War and the fear of cyborgs and androids must have been high even before The Terminator came out in 1984.
The Mittbot, as Romney was already code named by the Cyberdyne Corp., didn't want to alert human authority figures so he dutifully pulled into line to be inspected by border security. Motor idling, sipping Mittcola (Diet!) and suckling disc shaped jaw candy, Mittbot hovered on the edge of Sleep Mode as he waited to enter Red Canada and enjoy some stick/string angling.
Imagine the scene for the border guard (B.G.). Let's call him B.G. Ralph. Mitt pulls up in his car, the Mittensmobile if you will, with a brood of Mittlins in the back bouncing in excitement at the thought of entering a socialist country and seeing the strange sights. Anne, smitten with mittens, riding shotgun with oil can ready in case the Mittbot developed a squeak in his upper chest plate. And on top, the Mittpup, Seamus.
Seamus the Mittpup riding in a pet carrier on top of the Mittmobile! What a sight! What a story for the break room! Certainly better than the story B.G. Randall keeps telling about catching that Russian spy who attempted to get into America wedged in a 120 quart Igloo cooler with nothing but a copy of War and Peace and six litres of vodka. Can you top a collie on a car top in a pet carrier? You can't Randall? Then suck it and fix the next pot of coffee.
Naturally B.G. Ralph searches the dog for contraband since he's not a U.S. citizen. The dog chose to exercise his Miranda rights which had been explained thoroughly by Mittbot at the last Mittstop. So B.G. Ralph asked Mittbot, "Did you know you have a dog on your roof?"
Mittbot : Yes human guard. I knew I had a dog on my roof.
B.G. Ralph: Why is there a dog on your roof sir?
Mittbot: Because the human law says I have to carry the Mittlins in the car. And I couldn't put my golf clubs up there! They were a gift from Darth Cheney.
Ralph: Darth Cheney? Was he in Star Wars?
Mittbot: Deleted scene from film reel. Anyway what problem exists?
Ralph: Well there's a dog on your roof in a car top carrier. That's horrible.
Mittbot: Did they regulate the transport of canines on car tops? I hate regulations! For Pete's sake! Am I going to get a ticket?
Ralph: I'm just a border guard but it's kinda awful isn't it?
Mittbot: I don't understand. The dog would have spoke up if he had any problem with riding up there.
Ralph: Dogs can't talk.
Mittbot: Did you not see the talking picture Fox and the Hound? If he wanted in the car all he had to do was break into song.
Ralph: Haven't seen that one. But the dog appears to have soiled your back window.
Mittbot: Where? Mittbot is trained in the exactness of car cleaning.
Ralph: Wow. You don't seem to recognize my horror that you're transporting a dog on the roof of your car. Sir I am appalled, but since you're an American citizen who isn't transporting drugs across state lines I must let you continue if you promise to take your dog off the roof. And would you promise to not run for any elected office please? My faith in my country is shaken.
Mittbot: I promise to take the dog off the roof and I also promise not run for human elected office. Thanks subordinate human.
Mittbot turned to his wife and said, "Wow lying is easy! I should just do from now on. Mittbot has entered Lie Mode."
And things have been downhill ever since. Thanks Ralph.