Barflyer, to Empty Chair...
"You really wanna talk about personal responsibility? You want to talk about freeloading? Are you certain that's where you want to have a conversation?"
Chair: Inanimate, silent, thinking 'oh great, another a**hole.'
"I submit to you, Chair Mitt, that you've got this all backward. You've spent your entire life freeloading off of the very people you so disdain..."
[I know, dear reader, that everyone else has already said this. But I was foaming at the mouth thinking about Mitt's 47% remarks this morning when I was in the shower (and it wasn't from sampling the girlfriend's mango-scented soap this time. Stuff smells way better than it tastes.) I have to write this, I must. Follow me, please, to the rest of my Chair Rant, but be careful, that damned little orange dog left a mess right there on the screen, step over it carefully please...]
Barflyer, to empty chair again...
"Chair Mitt, let me tell you about the 47%ers I know in my life who have at some point had no income tax liability.
Let's start with the easy ones. My daughter. She's 7. Someday she's gonna be a ballerina veteranarian princess, and holding down three jobs like that, she will pay her fair share--when it's her turn. But for now, she's learning how to make this country stronger by becoming a well educated citizen. You benefit from a strong and vital country, Chair Mitt. When you and I are too old to run things, our future is safe in her hands."
Chair: Looking stiff and a little board.
Barflyer, with eyes reddening...
"Chair Mitt, the next 47%er I know is my nephew. Brilliant kid, getting in debt way over his head to get that college degree. Maybe he'll end up curing cancer. Maybe he'll become a statesman. He's scraping by--not off the earnings of his stock portfolio like you, but from waiting tables. He works for $2.13 an hour so that you don't have to pay very much for your food. It's not his choice, you're mooching off of him and his exploitable labor. Tips help, but let's be real, he ends each year in the red after his tuition, books, rent, and other expenses are paid. While you have multiple vacation homes, his last vacation was spent sleeping in a car with three other guys in a parking lot in the mountains of Vermont.
My ex-brother in law is next. He's in Afghanistan serving combat duty. Can I send him over to meet you, so that you can call him a freeloader to his face? You and your five sons who haven't served are mooching off the protection he provides and risks he's willing to take. He puts far more real equity into the system than you do.
Don't recline, Chair Mitt, this is serious business.
My brother. He served his time in the military, too. Drove a tank. The skill didn't translate well in the outside world (Exxon doesn't have tanks, yet) and he's been marginally employed for years. The recession your banker friends caused hit him hard, and he's been working 24 hours a week part time for almost three years now. The type of job a blue collar high school educated veteran is most like to get, you sent those to China to pad your wallet. He kept you safe from harm, and this is how you repay him? Then you want to cut the programs that help him heat his decaying house so you can keep a little more money in your pocket? Do you really need another yacht while he skips meals to keep the lights on?
Oh, there's more, Chair Mitt. My mom? She's retired now. Not comfortably, but she's retired. Nah, she doesn't pay in anymore. That's what she did her whole.damn.life, so that she could take some back out when she needed it. She wasn't born with a portfolio. She earned a living by teaching one kid at a time how to read and write. Those kids are now productive members of society. Lots and lots of them. Some of them maybe work for you or your friends, building up their wealth. And while they increase your bottom line, mom deserves to kick back and enjoy her retirement.
What did you say about my mother, Chair Mitt? Don't make me come over there and break all four of your legs...
You see, Chair Mitt, you made your millions off within the framework of what all of these sample 47%ers created for you: an educated work force, a safe environment, and discounted labor. While you reaped huge benefits, they at some point all struggled by. And struggle is something you're not familiar with, is it, Chair Mitt? Doesn't that make you the mooch?"
Chair smirks. Barflyer takes it out to the curb, tapes sign to it, "free kindling."