Hi Readers,
My favorite author is Charles Dickens and since it is getting near the Holiday Season I thought I would write a unique political commentary. This a homage to Dickens, who wrote about poverty with understanding and he gave his impoverished characters a multi-dimensional personality and a dignity that modern writers fail to do. Before I write the story I will give you a few guidelines so you can understand what is going on better. My story is set in modern times and in the United States, not England. I'm casting Mitt Romney with the name, Mitt R Scrooge and since this is an alternative version the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, unlike Dickens' Christmas Carol are who inspired Scrooge to change his life for the better, are evil warlock creatures. Paul Ryan is cast as Jacob Marley and will be called Paul-Jacob R Marley and will enter the story in the final chapter. So sit back with your latte and enjoy the story!
Chapter 1 The Alternative Universe Christmas Carol
Mitt R. Scrooge hurried to his office nearly dropping his briefcase. He was late and this was a person he didn't want to keep waiting. It was one of his investors named Robert Crochette. Crochette had planned to visit his son in the Sports Medicine Clinic. Tim Crochette had a broken leg that he sustained while playing football. Scrooge's tardiness was making him late for the clinic. Mitt finally made it to his office and sat down at his desk panting deep breathes as he was winded. Crochette walked in the anger in his eyes blazed as he shouted,"SCROOGE! Do you think I have nothing better to do then wait for you? Now I'm late to the Clinic and my poor son is wondering why I'm not there!" Mitt in a timid voice, replied" I'm sorry Robert, I had a tough morning, My car lifter is on the blink and I had a tough time on deciding what to buy for my wife. Should I get her a Versachi gown or several $50,000 trinkets from Tiffanys'?" Crochette said" What foolishness you speak, here I wanted to invest in your new company Vain Capital but your tardiness and foolish worries made me change my mind, GOOD BYE!"
All night Mitt R. Scrooge tossed and turned trying to sleep. Then he heard a sound at the door. All of a sudden he felt so-o-o Hot! The door started to burn flames shot to the ceiling and Scrooge feared that he was about to die! Then all of a sudden it all stopped replaced by a rotund man standing at the door. He looked harmless at first but Mitt looked into his eyes, They were slits with a black cornea surrounding a white pupil The man shouted," I'm the warlock of Christmas Past. Why are you so worried about Robert Crochette? You grew up with lots of money, you could threaten him and demand that he pay you some money! How does a cool trillion sound? Your family would be proud of you! They were power brokers. Man up show Crochette whose boss!" Scrooge said," What should I do?" "Hire a Russian Hit man to squeeze him! Tomorrow the Warlock of Christmas Present will come to see you. He will see what you have accomplished. Be ready!" The Warlock vanished.
Chapter 2 The Alternative Universe Version of The Christmas Carol
Mitt R. Scrooge went to a Russian Bar and asked the bartender what table the Russian mob hung out at. The bartender said,"The corner booth with the guys wearing black arm bands." Scrooge walked over to the booth and told them, "I need a man that is strong and can shoot well. I'll pay him a million dollars to go with me now!" Boris a tall man with a black trench-coat said "I'll do it." Mitt R Scrooge and Boris went to the office of Robert Crochette and told him," If you don't give me a trillion dollars I will tell the Daily News about the murder that you covered up!" Crochette said,"You don't scare me!" Boris got out his gun and shot Robert Crochette near his heart. Mitt and Boris ran out and Mitt R Scrooge had a policeman that he paid for protection report to the Daily News about Crochette's murdering a competitor and stealing his business.
The Warlock of Christmas Present appeared at the front door looking very happy. Mitt R Scrooge invited him in. This Warlock looked dapper in his tuxedo with a black rose on his lapel. "Good job Mitt! Have you heard, Crochette is in the hospital clinging for life; a cop is guarding him?" He is going to jail and be indicted for murder!" "Now you got to have your lawyer forge an agreement that is signed by Crochette." The Warlock of Christmas Future will visit with you tomorrow morning."
Chapter 3 The Alternative Universe Version of The Christmas Carol
As promised an attractive man knocked on Mitt R Scrooges' door, Mitt answered, "Who are you?" "Scrooge, let me introduce myself, I'm The Warlock of Christmas Future. Because I have been an effective warlock I have decided to become a human being. The Devil said, "Go for it but you will lose your ability to go through doors." That's Why I knocked." Scrooge said, "What's your name?" "Paul-Jacob R Marley, I have been assigned to help you. Already Crochette has lost his business. His workers lost their jobs and are on SNAP. Your company Vain Capital will skyrocket in profits. You will buy other companies and send jobs to other countries. Mitt, " we will be a great team!" "You know what, I would like to be President some day, Could you help me do it?" mused Scrooge. "But of course, why do you think the Devil sent me? H-m-m, a Scrooge and Marley ticket sounds FABULOUS!"