A few days ago, I was 100% sure that the Oklahoma tornado had to have been caused by the recent legalization of gay marriage in Minnesota.
I mean, really, what else could have caused destruction of that magnitude?
For God, of course, the distance between Minnesota and Oklahoma is most likely statistically insignificant, which easily accounts for him missing the real target by a few hundred miles.
I was very relieved to hear that the Westboro Baptist Church confirmed my suspicion that the gay was indeed to blame for the catastrophe. Yes, I was off on the specific cause, but I did nail the "gay" factor! My instincts for this stuff are off the charts.
Granted, they did blame it on one of the NBA players from the Oklahoma City Thunder, but still.
Apparently, he came out in support of Jayson Collins, the first openly gay male professional athlete from the "big three" of american sports. As a result, god unleashed a giant tornado to show everybody who's boss.
How does that not make sense?
The one thing that's still nagging me, though, is the very real possibility that this tornado may well have been the created and unleashed by the governments brand new top secret "Muslim Tornado Weather Machine".
Let's just see Obama try and wriggle his way out of this one!
I wasn't aware of the existence of such a device until Alex Jones alerted me to the possibility, but the more I think about it, the more I go yeah, maybe just maybe there's something there. This guy's logic is usually pretty sound.
Thankfully, we now have two very plausible theories to chew on. Is it "The Gay", or is it "Obama's Muslim Tornado Weather Machine"?
As I said, I'm still confused, so I'm hoping that the next round of congressional hearings can sort this out for me.