With Edward Snowden
lying low, NSA surveillance secrets dribbling out and
Obama on the defensive, the government snooping story is still front and center. And while Snuggly the Security Bear is usually my go-to-guy for this sort of work, I wanted to give him a rest this week.
The Obama Administration and its defenders are emphasizing the fact that all NSA surveillance is subject to judicial review and the watchful eyes of Congress. After the recent hearings in DC, seems like our legislators are (surprise), fairly clueless about what exactly is going on. So that leaves us with "judicial oversight," which means the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court. The more I learn about this court, the creepier it seems.
All hearings and rulings are secret, there is no sort of "defense" like in an open court, judges can phone in their decisions and the FISA court approved 100% of the government's surveillance requests in 2011 and 2012. Which led me to imagine what it would be like to work as a FISA judge. How hard is it to say "yes" all the time?
Let me know what you think in the comments, and remember to pass along the cartoon to your friends and less-than-friends!
[advertising-style announcer]
Have you had it with your dead-end job?
Ready for a change?
Need a little hope in your life?
Well, the "Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court" is for you!
With one easy appointment, you can be a judge on this secret panel of power-- and be your own boss!
Established in nineteen-seventy-eight to keep an eye on government surveillance, the court is now your dream job of working . . . without working!
How is that possible? That's the best part! It's a secret!
With no one looking over your shoulder telling you what to do, you'll be free to issue sweeping rulings (invading the privacy of millions), with just one easy signature!
But there's more than secrecy-- the FISA court offers you . . . Flex Time!
Don't feel like coming into the office to demolish the Fourth Amendment? Just phone in your rulings from the comfort of home!
Feel like working even less? Go on part time "Senior Status," just like Judge Roger Vinson when he gave his latest spy order!
You'll also have a wonderful health plan . . . even as you overturn the Affordable Care Act on the side!
The FISA court makes judging easy . . . by eliminating the defense! And keeping your work secret.
You've worked hard enough, now is time to just relax and say yes, and yes, and yes again . . . one-hundred percent of the time!
Best part is, while you're phoning it in saying "yes," you'll be performing a valuable service-- what President Obama calls "judicial oversight."
Sounds hard, but it's not!
And don't worry, it's not a rubber stamp-- more like a rubber poolside lounger.
Get classified, with class!
So here's hoping you make a change for the better! Because the FISA court is hiring!
[small-type announcer] The FISA Court is not hiring. You did not see this. You will now be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.