This video provides proof that other people have thought about talking heads and points to the distinct possibility that they do exist.
Ever wonder what
toilets would say if they could talk? "No," you say. Not a question real high on your list?
Well, with a name like John Crapper and holding the official title of Poop John the First in the Church of the Holy Shitters, I have pondered this question at length. Let me share with you some of my thoughts in this regard.
If toilets could talk they would talk shit. We would know much more about their most important holiday officially recognized by the United Nations as November 19th, World Toilet Day. I'm sure they would tell us they get pissed on all the time and they get pissed off about shit being ignored all the time.
If toilets could talk I'm sure they would say they put up with a lot of shit every day. I bet they would claim they put up with more shit than anything or anybody else. They would probably tell us that no matter how important or regal the person is sitting on them their shit in fact does stink just like everybody elses.
One thing for sure, if heads could talk I'm sure they would say they have met a lot of assholes. Most would say they have to put up with the same assholes day in and day out. They would say for sure they catch people with their pants down all the time. I guess they would say they have their head up someone else's ass all the time too. Or maybe they would say they have someone's ass in their head all the time. Depends on which way they look at things I guess. Either way I'm sure they would say they have a pretty shitty outlook on life; that every day is a pretty shitty one! That's not necessarily a bad outlook for a toilet probably. Makes them feel wanted I'm sure. And we all know how wanted they are at times. A person can sure have a pretty shitty feeling when in need of the comfort of a toilet. I'm sure you'll agree that many times a toilet is your best friend.
If the toilet was located in a public restroom shared with other toilets would they compare notes? Would they tell each other that a person who reads on the toilet is a smart ass? Would they consider those that don't a dumb ass? Would they know when they have a tight ass sitting on them. I would guess they would talk about the epidemic of obesity we have. They would probably scream out in terror and pain when a fat ass is sitting on them.
How about all the private habits conducted by people behind closed doors that could be revealed if toilets could talk. You could just imagine what things the toilet of the President could reveal. Toilet knowledge could provide governments with all kinds of crap on people. I bet it would make it easier to discern the facts from bullshit too. Let's face it. Assholes have no choice but to reveal themselves to toilets.
Do you think toilets would have debates between themselves on what the difference is between an asshole and a butthole? Is there a difference?
As far as politics is concerned I would think that toilets would tend to think of asses as bipartisan. They would say you have your left bum; you have your right bum; and they meet in the middle in a bipartisan way. I'm sure they would tell us that whatever the bums come out with it usually stinks!
I would think one of their most pressing issues would be sanitation too. One would have to assume that toilets would talk about shit more than anything else. It sort of dominates their lives. They would advise all of us of the pressing need for all people in this world to have access to toilets. They would lecture us for sure on how dramatically a toilet can change a person's life. They would ask us to give a crap about people who lack adequate sanitation.
Thinking about this it dawns on me that toilets probably would say a prayer every day too. It would go something like this. "Give us this day our daily Shit and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into diarrhea but deliver us from bullshit. Amen."
In our religion the toilet is our temple. In our practice of the Sacrament of Holy Shitting in our desire to have smart shits, ideas such as these deserve our consideration and attention. We are committed to thinking about shit.
Striving for a Smart Shit!
Related articles:
World Toilet Day: Let's have a sanitation celebration!
Matt Damon Gets Flushed for World Toilet Day
The Church of the Holy Shitters will post articles on our holy S.H.I.T. day ( So Happy It's Thursday)
Last week: Commandment #5 - A Closer Look
Next week: Commandment #6 - A Closer Look
Hoping to add some humor, provoke thought, spark debate, deepen understanding, and shed some light on the fecal side.
Remember: "If we really want to straighten out all this crap we really need to think about shit." ( Shitbit by Poop John the First of the Church of the Holy Shitters)
Church of the Holy Shitters
Originally posted on http://holyshitters.com/