By all the gods, old and new, Make It Stop!
The Fates have placed me at the center of a perfect storm of Mormon propaganda. I. Am. Not. Pleased.
Some of you know I have a few Mormon family and friends. Follow below the Orange Whirlpool of Destiny for details. (If you dare! Hmmm maybe this is all just some kind of Halloween Horror Prank.)
Act I: The Set Up
The Mormon church is lead by a First Presidency (3 men) and the Twelve Apostles (12 men), all of whom are considered by the membership to be “prophets, seers, and revelators” for god.
Recently, “The Brethren,” as they are collectively called, have recently been pushing the members to turn their proselytizing efforts to social media.
A recent (August 19, 2014) example comes from Elder David A. Bednar, one of the Twelve Apostles:
“What has been accomplished thus far in this dispensation communicating gospel messages through social media channels is a good beginning—but only a small trickle. I now extend to you the invitation to help transform the trickle into a flood. Beginning at this place on this day, I exhort you to sweep the earth with messages filled with righteousness and truth—messages that are authentic, edifying, and praiseworthy—and literally to sweep the earth as with a flood.”
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Act II: The Motion Picture
Add to this that the Mormon church is set to release its first ever major motion picture, Meet the Mormons, this Friday, October 10, on 200(!) screens nationwide.
Meet the Mormons examines the very diverse lives of six devout members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Filmed on location and across the globe, Meet the Mormons takes viewers on a journey into the day-to-day realities of individuals living in the U.S., Costa Rica, Nepal and beyond. From their individual passions to their daily struggles, each story paints a picture as rich and unique as the next while challenging the stereotypes that surround the Mormon faith.
That's right! Instead of asking people to watch a 10 minute youtube video to convince you they're really very normal people, they're asking you to spend $10 and 2 hours (popcorn not included) to be told Mormons are really very normal people.
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Act III: The Deluge
So, here I sit — the apostate atheist in the family / neighborhood. Mormons to the left of me. Mormons to the right. Mormons with fresh orders to flood the earth with electronic messages of salvation. Mormons with a brand new, first time ever, major motion picture!
And my phone fills with invitations to spend $10 to see a movie that tells me how wonderful and totally normal my family and friends are.
And my email fills with invitations to spend $10 to see a movie that tells me how wonderful and totally normal my family and friends are.
And my Facebook fills with invitations to spend $10 to see a movie that tells me how wonderful and totally normal my family and friends are.
And my Twitter feed fills with invitations to spend $10 to see a movie that tells me how wonderful and totally normal my family and friends are.
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Act IV: The Award
If it wasn't before — with 150 years experience knocking on doors — the Mormon church is — now and forever — The Most Annoying Church, Ever!
Thanks all who competed — with honorable mentions to the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Scientologists. You made a good showing. You've just been out paced.
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The Postlude
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[Updated: Now with 33% more cynicism!]
Reprise
A comment below by David54 got me thinking about this as marketing. Admittedly, I’d been ranting about in your face proselytizing — without realizing they are one and the same.
But first: The Nigerian Prince
I read recently why email scams still use the fabled Nigerian prince. It’s basic marketing. These scams are looking for people who won’t suspect a scam until well after they’ve shared their bank and credit card info. By referencing the Nigerian prince up front, they immediately eliminate a good portion of people who might take up time and resources, but balk before parting with the key information the scam is designed to collect.
Now: Back to The Movie
One of the things that bugs me about this movie is that they’re releasing it to theaters and charging you to see it. Why not invite everyone ‘round to the meeting house and show it for free on the chapel’s big screen — cookies, punch and missionaries standing by afterward?
One of the big deals in Mormonism is tithing. If you’re not willing to part with 10% of your gross for the rest of your life, you will never be worthy of the highest heaven. If you’re looking for converts who are willing to put up some cash, it might be good marketing to require $10-12 up front just for the intro lesson. You will immediately eliminate the 47% who would be the part of the congregations that are dead weight — unwilling to fork over to finance the operation.
It all makes sense now. If this works, expect the next major motion picture released by the Mormon church to be a trilogy — keep ‘em coming back and spending their dollars.
But, as creationist love to say, “It’s just a theory.”
Tue Oct 07, 2014 at 1:30 AM PT: Updated with new insight, below the trailer.