When you read this, my younger daughter will have arrived home for a holidays visit after completing her first semester of law school. It will be very, very important to engage her in conversation about it. It will be very, very important to get other people to ask her about it.
This is because of the Wedding Monster, which has already consumed most if not all Christmas/Hanukkah spirit this year. There is little oxygen left in the room. My elder daughter is getting married on the thirtieth.
This would seem to be a strange subject for a Brothers and Sisters right now, what with it being a time of many holidays and many traditions. Yet it is the time of celebrating miracles and what could be more miraculous than two people- man and woman, two men, two women- deciding to see all this through, together. You and me, kid. I’ve got your back. I’ll always remember how you take your coffee.
Welcome to Brothers and Sisters, the weekly meetup for prayer* and community at Daily Kos. We put an asterisk on pray* to acknowledge that not everyone uses conventional religious language, but may want to share joys and concerns, or simply take solace in a meditative atmosphere. Anyone who comes in the spirit of mutual respect, warmth and healing is welcome.
I have very little to do with this wedding beyond propping up my wife and keeping her sane. She and my daughter are in a cage match over preparations and decisions. Sometimes it hasn’t been pretty. I look forward to when the whole thing will be done. There was a point when I offered to write the check. You know that check. That’s the one where you bribe the young couple to forget the wedding and just go get married. Oddly, once I did that, my wife and daughter got on the same page. Different paragraphs, yes…but the same page.
Anyway, my responsibilities at this wedding seem to be few. Show up. Dress nice. Look happy and proud. Don’t let my new son-in-law’s friends or family get him drunk before the ceremony. Keep relatively sober, myself, until after I’ve given my speech. Carry lots of Kleenex for my wife.
There may be a point where I have to remind my daughter not to be late for her own wedding.
My daughter was late being born. She was so late, in fact, that the decision was made to induce labor medically. Even this took hours and hours and hours. It took so long that my wife was able to drift into some sleep. This was, of course, the very moment that my daughter chose to break out of her water environment. And yet it took even longer, so long that they had to go in and get her out.
The life lesson on this is that you can count on her; she will be late, she will choose her moments for causing frantic activity, and there will be times when someone will have to go in to get her out.
As for my son-in-law, I welcome him into my family for many reasons but particularly because he has passed two tests. First of all, I wanted to see how he looked at my daughter. I wanted to see the expression on his face. The fact that he gazes upon her as the best thing that’s ever happened to him certainly works in his favor.
He's right, but then I may be biased.
Second, I wanted to know what kind of man looked at my daughter this way. There are many things a man can be. There are many positive traits that can stand out. They are all different from man to man. What I was pleased to discover was the respect and loyalty that my new son inspires in his friends. To have one of those things is a blessing on the man. To have both shows that people consider him to be a blessing on their lives.
I suppose it’s safe to say that it’s a good thing that they found each other.
I suppose it’s safe for me, the father of the bride, to give some marriage advice to the new couple based on twenty-seven years of experience.
First, I think everyone should ignore any blowhard stuff about be willing to die for or kill for your spouse and your kids. Boy that sounds grim any time I hear it. Actually, marriage means you’ve decided to live for your spouse and your children. It takes courage- you have to decide to be brave all the time- to have people mean that much to you.
Second, there’s no question but that laughter helps just about everything. Keep in mind, though, that long-lasting couples have three senses of humor. Everyone has your own sense of humor. There’s your spouse’s sense of humor. And then there’s the sense of humor you have together. That’s the one that makes sure you want to keep dating the person you married.
So during this holiday season, it’s o.k. to pull back from caring about the world for a little time. Show some courage, reconnect, and share a laugh with someone that doesn’t make sense to anybody else.
Put some vanilla in your hot chocolate. It brings out the chocolate.