"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
- Jay Leno
My 6 hens were delighted to see me this morning. I opened their door and moved the heavy curtain back. Out they came, talking and fluffing their feathers. My mood shot skyward. To be that happy over layer pellets and corn is phenomenal. I had been lying in bed thinking about a lonely meal. I can't be lonely when I've got 6 feathery friends who I can hear chatting and clucking all around the house today. Who can resist the charms of Angel and Clara when they jump up on the kitchen AC and peer through the window to see what I'm up to. We always talk and they preen and murmur to one another.
Next comes the dogs. Lita has burrowed deep under the covers and isn't an early riser. She has to be at least 13. I've had her 11 years and she was grown when my daughter saved her from certain death at the pound. She appears to be a rough-coated Jack Russell and is known as the supreme ratter of Oklahoma. I wish it was Victorian times, we could hire out and rid kitchens and basements of rats and mice. Think about the extra income and notoriety.
There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
When I opened the front door, I had to dodge 4 dogs who slept outside last night. There is Ossie who was dropped off here in August. She is part yellow lab and does all sorts of exotic little dances when she sees me. As puppies, Dom and Dinah stumbled through the big front yard after a man threw them out of a truck. They appear to be german shepherd and lab. Dom is dumb as a rock and Dinah is one shrewd vixen. Clementine is airedale and german shepherd and she lived on a highway near Ft. Hood for 2 weeks. A man slid his van door open and threw her out when she was a puppy. Clem is a participant, not a spectator. The deer hunter who was dumb enough to come into my yard at dawn to ask me if he could hunt was rewarded with a very serious bite on his calf. He tried to blame her until I reminded him it is her yard, not his. Clem uses the stealth attack method. She sneaks up behind her victim and attacks. I tied a big red bow on each dog collar and they promptly went into a frenzy of tearing them off each other and then spread the fragments around the yard for me pick up.
"Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?"
- Unknown
I could tell you that the cattle are lowing in the manger, but I'd be lying. They are in the west pasture grazing. The red birds are swarming the feeders. I piled the corn on last night and the crows didn't see the Christmas present. The bastards were bullying the songbirds this summer, so I hid in the magnolia tree with my shotgun. My idea was to thin the flock. As soon as the black devils filled the mulberry tree, I shot. Not ONE bird fell. This is the woman who used to pick off quail and doves with a 410 shotgun at an 'ungoddlessly' range. Of course, I wasn't in a magnolia tree then. I knoooow.....I don't hunt now. I watch the birds. (I did it for a man.)
I have three presents under the tree. One is a medium sized skillet that I've been drooling over. It isn't in a box and a pure out fool couldn't miss the shape and feel of it. I'm not opening them until the spirit hits me. The spirit could be 3-4 years down the road.
"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day-the birth of Santa?" Bart Simpson
For me, Bart, this day is usually a day of NBA binging. WTF were the powers that be, thinking when the Knicks and Wizards were picked to start at noon? In fact, WTF were they thinking when they picked the teams? So, it will be 2:30, Bart, before I turn the box on.
I looked through one CD holder where "Gomez", "Bob", "Hank", "Leon", "Willie", "Willis Alan Ramsey", "Lyle", "Pink Floyd", "Delbert McClinton" , "Al", "Muddy Waters", "Mac Wiseman" and "Something for Everyone" lives. I chose Mac Wiseman because fiddles, a mandolin, guitars, banjo and a high tenor appealed to me. I've now moved on to "Something for Everyone." I wonder who "someone" is.
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." -- Dick Gregory
6:24 PM PT: For those who read the diary about my daughter, the cop 'disappeared' and the Department denied any past incidents. It appears there is nothing to be done now.