Dear Senator Roberts,
I have followed with interest the controversy over your residence in Kansas. The media have reported that you have established a pied-a-terre – or perhaps one should say a derriere-a-chaise – by renting a recliner for $300/month in Dodge City. Reports also suggest that Kansas voters are unhappy with this tenuous connection to the state you claim to represent.
I have a modest proposal, therefore, involving a brand-new La-Z-Boy situated in our home in California. Please read on for the details, and the advantages to all parties.
My husband and I would be prepared to offer you not only a share of the La-Z-Boy, but also a shelf in the guest bathroom medicine cabinet and your own personal coffee mug, all for the same price of $300 per month. We’ll even let you choose between the Capital Public Radio mug and the Santa Claus mug; I’m assuming you would rather not have the Obama for President mug. When you consider the relative prices of real estate in CA and in KS, this is truly a steal!
Residence in CA would enable you to build credibility to run for Senator on the Republican ticket here in 2016. You’d be at least as credible as some other recent candidates: Orly Taitz, Carly Fiorina, Elizabeth something (no one can actually remember her last name.) I’m sure your connections and conservative credentials, and the vast quantities of money sloshing around in right-wing circles, would enable you to raise a substantial amount of money.
Now it’s true that the odds of a Republican winning a statewide election in California are only slightly better than the odds of finding the Hope Diamond under your pillow tomorrow morning. But you’d undoubtedly be able to set aside some of that nice campaign money for later expenses (buying your own La-Z-Boy, for example). And, if you have a latent impish streak, there’d be the fun of annoying people in at least two different states at once.
What, you might ask, is in it for us?
To start, there’s the $10,000 or so in rent we’d collect over the next three years. I will have to consult our accountant, but we could probably depreciate the recliner, and quite possibly the southwest corner of the family room.
And if you ever actually showed up to sit in the recliner, the three of us could have a fine evening together watching Rachel Maddow, listening to Pete Seeger cd’s, and sharing the Nation for you to read in bed – er, that is, in the La-Z-Boy.
Sincerely,