From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things I learned from Republicans in February
Fill your heads with the facts, kiddie poolers:
Rape can be a "beautiful" thing
Gays are just mean old Nazis.
State courts trump federal courts.
Boco Haram and Boca Raton are interchangeable.
President Obama is not the anti-Christ. He's probably just the seventh king that appears before the rise of the anti-Christ.
Selling your house for over triple the asking price is easy if you're a congressman and you're selling it to one of your favorite campaign donors.
Dealing with ISIL is easy. Just nuke 'em.
Covens of witches use ultrasound photos posted on Facebook to curse unborn babies.
Americans should be ashamed of America.
Americans should have to take a patriotism test before they can vote.
Women are a lesser cut of meat.
National security is optional.
Texas is the sovereign territory of Jesus Christ.
And that doesn’t even include the Ph.D.-worthy niblets of nolledge we'll get from CPAC this week. My neurons are gonna be begging for mercy.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 26, 2015
Note: Just a heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday because sometimes I feel the need to keep you people in line by using the withholding of love as a weapon. It was either that or this bomb. Back Tuesday with HUGS!!!
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7 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next total solar eclipse:
22
Days 'til the
National maple Syrup Festival in Nashville, Indiana:
7
Rank of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein and Amy Klobuchar among women senators who have had the most sponsored bills passed into law over the last seven years:
#1, #2, #3
Percent chance that Senator Barbara "Coach Barb" Mikulski gives all new female senators a "Power Workshop" on how to get started and build influence in the chamber:
100%
(Source: Tribune News Service)
Rank of the Tesla Model S electric car on
Consumer Reports' latest list of top models:
#1
Rank of Lexus, Mazda and Toyota among the top overall brands:
#1, #2, #3
Percent of individual tax returns audited last year:
0.86%
(Source: FiveThirtyEight.com)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
One of the most dangerous things about this whole corrupt system is that people who are given special privileges inevitably come to regard them not as special but as natural and right, and will fight furiously if you try to take them away. […] [W]hat is truly not funny is the pathetic spectacle of the United States of America, a nation with the greatest political legacy the world has ever known, letting itself be gnawed to death by the greed in a corrupt system that can be so easily fixed.
---February, 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved!!!
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CHEERS to the sweetest words in the political language. Not even coating your tongue with honey would make them sound sweeter: "Republicans surrender."
Liberals save net neutrality!!!
Senior Republicans conceded on Tuesday that the grueling fight with President Obama over the regulation of Internet service appears over, with the president and an army of Internet activists victorious.
The Federal Communications Commission is expected on Thursday to approve regulating Internet service like a public utility, prohibiting companies from paying for faster lanes on the Internet. … And Republicans on Capitol Hill, who once criticized the plan as “Obamacare for the Internet,” now say they are unlikely to pass a legislative response that would undo perhaps the biggest policy shift since the Internet became a reality.
There really should be a progressivesphere victory celebration over this, because the outcome was never certain, even knowing that Wheeler was on the receiving end of a server-crashing tsunami of rage over the fast lane/slow lane "compromise" he was peddling for awhile there. So today around noon be sure to open your window, hold out your champagne glass, and wait for the sound of the helicopter.
CHEERS to big-government safety regulations. If the rugged-individualist right-wingers had their way we'd still be riding around in death-trap jalopies that threw ya through the windshield or gored you on the steering wheel. (Or worse!) Thank god they didn't prevail, because liberal safety laws helped produce a miracle here in Maine yesterday:
The Maine Turnpike yesterday.
Is it me, or are highway pileups
happening a lot more this year?
At least 17 people were taken to two Bangor-area hospitals – two in serious condition---when 75 vehicles collided in a chain-reaction pileup amid heavy snowfall that shut down a section of Interstate 95 between Newport and Bangor on Wednesday morning, authorities said.
“I’m absolutely shocked that we don’t have fatalities,” [Maine State Police Lt. Sean] Hashey said. “It’s very shocking. It really had a significant impact on a lot of people. If Hollywood wanted to create a scene, I don’t think they could have created the amount of carnage that was out there today.” … “We were very lucky, I am pleasantly surprised by the nature of the injuries,” [surgeon Dr. James] Clarke said. “We were ready for quite a bit more.”
I don’t know if there's a holiday called Hug A Crash Test Dummy Day. But if there isn't, there is now.
JEERS to false advertising. Let's check in and see the latest fine example being set in Wyoming, which proudly calls itself America's Equality State:
Well...kinda sorta.
The Wyoming House of Representatives has voted down a bill that would have prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. The House voted 33-to-26 against the bill, which already had cleared the Wyoming Senate. …
Rep. Nathan Winters, R-Thermopolis, said the problem with the anti-discrimination bill is that it removes all discretion from individuals as to how they choose to exercise their freedom of conscience.
So, for the time being, Wyoming's slogan looks a bit different today:
The Equality State (Certain Restrictions Apply).
JEERS to boys and their destructive toys. On February 26, 1903, the inventor of the rapid-fire Gatling gun, Richard Gatling, died. His last words: "Of course it's not loaded. Would I be sitting here cleaning my gun if it was l…
JEERS to past previews of future Giuliani dickishness. I stumbled over this yesterday and it reminded me that even "respectable" outlets have played the "he's not like the rest of us" card. This was an actual CNN online poll question that was posted seven years ago this week as the Democratic primary season kicked into high gear:
I think it's time for a new question, now that he's into his next-to-last full year of his two-term presidency: "Does Barack Obama show the proper patriotism for someone who plans to be a
former president of the United States? Get on it, CNN.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 26, 2005
JEERS to killjoys. The ban on sex toys in Alabama is allowed to stand, thanks to a lily-livered U.S. Supreme Court. But overturning the ban may turn out to be easy---just threaten to inspect the Republican leaders' bedrooms.
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And just one more…
Haley is getting fixed
Friday. Her knee, that is.
SCRITCHES AND BELLY RUBS to our furry soon-to-be patient. Tomorrow morning we're dropping off our lab-mix at the vet and then holding our breath until we turn blue as she has major surgery (a "
Tibial Plateau Leveling Osteotomy") on her knee. Poor Haley will have no idea what happened or why, and I expect she'll be unhappy about the two months of strict confinement that she'll be under---not to mention having a bald right leg and possible time in the "cone of shame"---as she heals. But if all goes well, she'll be running around, good as new, by late spring. We'll let you know how things went in tomorrow's late edition of C&J. I expect, at minimum, there will be some heavy sedation. And probably some for Haley, too.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Any way you look at it, Cheers and Jeers is a national disgrace."
---Senator Barbara Boxer
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