From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
God Punks Fundies
Comparatively speaking, Maine is not a particularly religious state. But we do have our fundamentalist windbags who run around like Chicken Littles spouting doomsday predictions that never happen and crowing about victories that quickly end up going Poof! in their faces like an exploding cigar. This morning I present to you the scorched bangs and singed eyebrows at the Christian Civic League.
These fire-breathing fussbuckets have been around forever, but they've lost some of their mojo since LGBT Mainers won hard-fought civil rights protections and marriage rights. Here's a sample of their reaction ten years ago this week when the state said people could no longer be fired for being gay:
"A very slim majority of Maine's House of Representatives voted to create special legal protections for men who wear dresses into the ladies bathroom and get sex change operations. In passing this law Maine's politicians have legally guaranteed that sexual predators will be teaching Maine school children. The high ideal of abstaining from sex outside of marriage in law and practice is hereby abolished."
And they think
we're the drama queens?
Since they couldn't convince God to side with 'em on that issue, they turned to their new bread-and-butter mission: shutting down family planning clinics. And they really thought they had the Almighty in their corner this time. And once again they really, really didn’t:
Sign posted on the wall at
Maine Family Planning office.
Just a few days ago, the right-wing group sent out an email blast to its supporters proclaiming that its prayers had successfully defunded abortion in Maine. CCL leaders said that God was acting on abortion opponents’ prayers because Maine Family Planning, an organization comprised of 18 reproductive health clinics across the state, didn’t meet its annual fundraising goal. … That move caught the attention of a few prominent bloggers, who decided to change the conversation.
Mike Tipping, who writes for the Bangor Daily News, encouraged his readers to donate to Maine Family Planning to prove CCL wrong about God’s attitude toward reproductive health services. Popular sex columnist and LGBT activist Dan Savage followed suit, telling his followers to “make the haters at Maine’s Christian Civic League regret sending out that email blast by donating to Maine Family Planning and pushing them past last year’s fundraising total.”
Thanks to a flurry of small donations, the goal was, in fact, met and exceeded. If you'd like to add a few bucks to this divine blogger intervention,
here's the link. As Mike says, "Together, we can make a statement the Christian Civic League will understand while helping to provide safe reproductive health care services to Maine women." As long as that statement uses the word "Og!" a lot, I think he's right.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Note: If you haven’t cleaned up this filthy planet by the time Earth Day gets here in 14 days, we are so sending you to your room without supper or your iPhone pad tablet thingy. Don't test us. ---Mom & Dad
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16 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til tax day:
1
Days 'til the
New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival:
16
Factor by which solar energy production has increased since President Obama took office:
20x
(Source: President Obama)
Percent of frat and sorority parties that have been banned at Rutgers University:
100%
Date of a bilateral meeting between President Obama and Raul Castro in Panama:
4/11/15
Percent of Oregon that is stricken by "severe" drought:
45%
(Source: U.S. Drought Monitor)
Gallons of bottled water consumed in the U.S. last year:
10.9 billion
(Source:
USA Today)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 180 (including 4 plagues and 1 humanity-destroying lunar eclipse). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Quick, Florida businesses! Take advantage of the Humane Society's cuddly way to relieve office stress before Governor Scott hears about it and bans it!!!
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CHEERS to a new start. It's really close to posting time, so I only have a few seconds to give you the Cliffs Notes summary of the elections yesterday in Ferguson, Missouri: turnout was more than double the previous municipal election, and now blacks control half of the body. That's good news. Let's hope it leads to good things. That town certainly deserves a break…not to mention more representative leadership.
P.S. Rahm Emanuel won reelection as Chicago's mayor. He has an aggressive second-term agenda of hope and prosperity. Today he'll kick it off by taking revenge on his enemies.
CHEERS to tonight's TV highlight. Tweeted yesterday via that crazy-as-a-fox socialist from Vermont:
It's on really late---11:30pm ET tonight on Comedy Central. Damn, I hope they one day invent a way to record TV shows so I can watch 'em later. Same with a "mute" button, but of course that'll only happen in the Star Trek universe.
JEERS to not recognizing the next American idol. I asked around, and here's the local reaction to yesterday's announcement that Rand Paul wants to be the next President:
"Who?"
"Who?"
"Who?"
"I thought his first name was Ron."
"I thought his last name was McNally"
"Who?"
"President of what?"
"I'm voting for Hillary."
"I think RuPaul would do a fine job. Wait…who?"
"You mean that guy who plagiarizes his speeches?"
"Move your shopping cart, you're blocking me."
Definitely some work to do. But that last guy sounds like an undecided. I'm sensing momentum.
CHEERS to a fine FLOTUS. Happy Birthday to the late Betty Ford on what would be her 97th birthday. She gained fame in an era that many Americans can vaguely remember---namely, a time when the GOP had a smattering of class. But even then, she was a persistent thorn in her party's side:
Happy Birthday, Betty!
Throughout her husband's term in office, she maintained high approval ratings, though some on the far-right of her own Republican Party strongly opposed her on more liberal social issues. Betty Ford was noted for raising breast cancer awareness with her 1974 mastectomy and was a passionate supporter for the Equal Rights Amendment. Pro-choice on abortion and a leader in the Women's Movement, she gained fame as one of the most candid first ladies in history, commenting on every hot button issue of the time from sex to drugs.
Her most enduring legacy, of course, is the
Betty Ford Center. Sadly, the center doesn't have a wing for candy corn addicts like me. But I'm happy to say my self-administered Tootsie Pop replacement therapy seems to be holding. One day at a time.
Big win for the woozles!
CHEERS to saving the best for last. The men having gotten their silly little Nerf basketball tournament out of the way Monday, last night it was time for the rock 'em, sock 'em finale: the Women's Division I NCAA Battle Royale. And the champs are the UConn Huskies, in a 63-53 win over Notre Dame. And now that this year's March Madness is all over (in April, yes, thank you, we're aware of that), it's time to take the final step: you must now print out your brackets and eat them. [
MunchMunchMunch…gulp] And we'll speak no more of it.
CHEERS to escaping hell in a handbasket. On April 8, 1766, the first fire escape was patented---it consisted of a wicker basket lowered by a pulley and chain. Of course they've evolved a lot since then. The new ones have a cup holder.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 8, 2005
CHEERS to Victor Yushchenko. The new Ukrainian president--looking more like a leader and less like a poisoned toad---spoke yesterday to a joint session of Congress. Said he: "We do not seek only a thaw in the frosty relations of the past. We seek a new atmosphere of trust, frankness and partnership." So what are you doing over here? We suck at that.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the coming arachnid demolition derby. As if all the other consequences of global warming aren't enough to make you nervous, here's a new one to keep you awake at night: more and bigger spiders---wait, it gets better---that move faster but stagger around like drunks:
You don't even wanna KNOW what
global warming does to scorpions.
[W]hen the researchers tracked the movements of spiders at different temperatures they found that the cold made them sluggish. At 59 degrees Fahrenheit, the spiders moved no faster than 20 cm a second. At the top temperature of 104 degrees, they nearly tripled that speed.
But the spiders weren't taking bigger steps---just more of them. They went all the way from four steps a second to as many as 10. And that made them clumsier.
Okay, pay attention, here's the plan: if these ever-increasing hordes of ever-larger spiders lose their shit after figuring out that global warming has transformed them from methodical and cunning hunters into a gaggle of giant poisonous uncoordinated eight-legged bumper cars, remember: it's the cows' fault. Those goddam flatulent cows
over there.
They did it.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Defeat the Washington machine. Unleash Bill in Portland Maine."
---Rand Paul 2016 campaign slogan
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