It's the not-too-distant future, and the Republicans have decided that one more Benghazi hearing will undo the damage that they've done to themselves with all the previous ones. Hillary Clinton strolls in, autographs a couple of copies of her book for spectators, and takes her seat. A moment later, Trey Gowdy rushes in, still in costume from playing Draco in the new Harry Potter play.
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GOWDY: Madam Secretary, do you know why we're here?
CLINTON: More questions about Benghazi.
GOWDY: First of all, it's BENGHAZI!!! All capitals, minimum three exclamation points.
CLINTON: As my friend Barack would say, please proceed, Congressman.
GOWDY: Did you personally murder US personnel at BENGHAZI!!! by bludgeoning them with a copy of Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals?
CLINTON: No.
GOWDY: Quit trying to be evasive and answer the question!
CLINTON: The answer is no.
GOWDY: Did Sidney Blumenthal kill them?
CLINTON: No.
GOWDY: How would you know that if you weren't in Benghazi at the time? Were you in a hotel with Blumenthal somewhere, sending each other hot-and-heavy text messages and plotting to conceive a baby, abort it, and sell the fetal body parts?
CLINTON: No.
GOWDY: Was Saul Alinsky there in the hotel with you?
CLINTON: There was no hotel, and Saul Alinsky died in 1972.
GOWDY: Turning next to the subject of you emails, do you answer every email personally?
CLINTON: No.
GOWDY: Did you answer an email from a Nigerian Prince wanting to transfer millions of dollars into the US economy?
CLINTON: Definitely not.
GOWDY: Do you realize how that might have damaged US relations with Nigeria, where BENGHAZI!!! is located?
CLINTON: Benghazi is in Libya. With or without the exclamation points.
(Gowdy checks an atlas.)
GOWDY: Moving on, did you respond to emails offering herbal supplements, trips to Vegas, or discount Viagra?
CLINTON: Viagra? You remember who I'm married to, right?
GOWDY: I withdraw the question. Did you, Sidney Blumenthal, and Saul Alinsky conspire to murder Vince Foster in BENGHAZI!!! in order to cause these hearings and make Republicans look ridiculous?
CLINTON: No, there are much easier ways of making Republicans look ridiculous. Sometimes they'll obligingly do it all by themselves.
GOWDY: You failed to reference Sidney Blumenthal in that answer! I'll keep asking questions if it takes all the way until the 2016 election!
(Clinton checks her calendar.)
CLINTON: Actually, this hearing has gone all the way into 2029. I served my two terms, and we're five years into the Sanders Administration.
On to Top Comments!
From greenbird:
This one's yuuuuuuuuuuuuge - and great. (Note from Tara: comment is from glb3, in Hunter's diary A poultry company has been sending Agriculture Chair Bob Aderholt around the world - for Jesus.)
From
Mopshell:
A pill of a day: As I casually browsed Connect! Unite! Act! Tucson & Valdosta Meet-Up Info â WHAT IF We Had Massive Voter Registration? by Angela Marx (US House of Reps candidate for WA-03 - go Angie!), I came across this comment with photo by Thinking Fella - now I want one of them too!
From
BeninSC:
If there is a finer comment than this one from Mopshell in brillig's fine TC diary last night, describing what it can be like to find and share quality comments on Daily Kos, I do not recall it.
From
Your Humble (if Antisocial) Diarist:
In tonight's debate, Jeb! apparently said something about offering "a warm kiss" to Democrats. This brought some colorful suggestions in response, but I think jimraff found the right comparison. Meanwhile, earicicle has an important debate-related warning. Late addition: check out this comment thread started by OllieGarky.
Flagged by TrueBlueMajority and fedupwiththebs, this comment by stevemb answers the title question in Egberto Willies' diary GOP Presidential candidate goes ballistic: What has happened to our Party?
Top mojo, courtesy of mik:
1)ÃÂ Too bad I can't rec this more than once... by bobswernÃÂ ÃÂ +172
2)ÃÂ This is great! by Major TomÃÂ ÃÂ +166
3)ÃÂ Not seeing how this is "desperate". by TheOrchidÃÂ ÃÂ +132
4)ÃÂ I'm interested to know by jfromgaÃÂ ÃÂ +131
5)ÃÂ They represent the essence of capitalism by unclejohnÃÂ ÃÂ +129
6)ÃÂ Does the RW need ANY evidence? by DisNoir36ÃÂ ÃÂ +115
7)ÃÂ Bernie Sanders is "Of the People." by elwiorÃÂ ÃÂ +109
8)ÃÂ Lived there for eight years by milkboneÃÂ ÃÂ +107
8)ÃÂ It was a really stupid thing to say by BoiseBlueÃÂ ÃÂ +107
8)ÃÂ Yes, get out your popcorn! Let's see by EinsteiniaÃÂ ÃÂ +107
11)ÃÂ Yeah, refusing to let the teacher take your phone? by TrixieBÃÂ ÃÂ +102
12)ÃÂ Just read the comments through BNR today. by gooderserviceÃÂ ÃÂ +99
13)ÃÂ Same shit, different day by Los Angeles DemÃÂ ÃÂ +96
13)ÃÂ I agree, thank you as always Egberto, by dclawyer06ÃÂ ÃÂ +96
13)ÃÂ Hedge fundies aren't really capitalists either. by shigeruÃÂ ÃÂ +96
16)ÃÂ Once again, the confederacy of dunces, seeking by One Pissed Off LiberalÃÂ ÃÂ +95
17)ÃÂ What is wrong with Mika's statement? by BoiseBlueÃÂ ÃÂ +92
18)ÃÂ Shaking my head. by Denise Oliver VelezÃÂ ÃÂ +91
18)ÃÂ Socks: So what if she was? by Geema0712ÃÂ ÃÂ +91
20)ÃÂ If HRC invokes his record, by sidnoraÃÂ ÃÂ +89
21)ÃÂ Good by timsmithÃÂ ÃÂ +86
21)ÃÂ Local police chiefs and state gummint folk. by Christy1947ÃÂ ÃÂ +86
23)ÃÂ I was on a somewhat mainstream site today, i.e., by Hillbilly DemÃÂ ÃÂ +84
23)ÃÂ Because Clinton supporters never ever by Alice OlsonÃÂ ÃÂ +84
25)ÃÂ Pretty easy to shut Jesse up by rudeboyÃÂ ÃÂ +81
26)ÃÂ Bernie's smart. Three of his biggest policy... by markthsharkÃÂ ÃÂ +79
27)ÃÂ So we have a new term to go with Ponzi by dadadataÃÂ ÃÂ +78
28)ÃÂ What's egregious and inexcusable is by dkmichÃÂ ÃÂ +77
28)ÃÂ And you have to ask... by ShoshannaDÃÂ ÃÂ +77
30)ÃÂ It comes down to two things: by coquieroÃÂ ÃÂ +75
30)ÃÂ Where did he tell anyone to stop by CatesbyÃÂ ÃÂ +75
30)ÃÂ Straight privilege speaks out by DallasdocÃÂ ÃÂ +75
Picture quilt, courtesy of jotter: