From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Stephanopoulos vs. Pence: The Sodium Pentothal Interview
Actual questions asked by the host of This Week on Sunday, with honest, no-weasel revised answers from the guest, who is now hopped-up on truth serum:
George Stephanopoulos: Good morning, Governor Pence. So was it a mistake to sign this law?
Indiana Gov. Mike Pence: Of course not. [Laughs]
GS: One of the problems that people have pointed out is that in Indiana, your civil rights laws don't include sexual orientation as a protected class. And even some of the supporters of the bill appeared with you when you signed the bill. Eric Miller of Advance America wrote that, "It will protect those who oppose gay marriage." Is Advance America right when they say a florist in Indiana can now refuse to serve a gay couple without fear of punishment?
"No heterosexuality, no service!"
MP: Yes! It was very urgent that we do this to cover every municipality in the Hoosier state. Hell, look at Gary---it's just one letter away from the whole town becoming Gay. [Laughs]
GS: When you say tolerance is a two way street, does that mean that Christians who want to refuse service or people of any other faith who want to refuse service to gays and lesbians, that it's now legal in the state of Indiana?
MP: Yes. And the refusers can refuse to refuse the refusers unless they get premptively refused by the refusers who refuse to be refused by the.... Aw, dammit. Trust me, this all made sense when the committee explained it to me after I signed it. [Laughs]
GS: One fix that people have talked about is simply adding sexual orientation as a protected class under the state's civil rights laws. Will you push for that?
MP: I'll give you a clue, George. When I was in Congress I voted to enshrine discrimination against gays into the freakin' United States Constitution! Here's another clue: gays are nothing to me but convenient boogeymen whose civil rights I can restrict to endear me to my conservative Christian base. So you figure it out, Sherlock Murrow Cronkite Holmes. [Laughs]
GS: One suggested fix to the law would say that, "this chapter of the law does not establish or eliminate a defense to a claim under any federal, state or local law protecting civil rights or preventing discrimination." Is that the kind of clarification you're talking about?
MP: George, George, George. When I said I'd "clarify" the law, I was just bluffing to get people off my back. We're not clarifying anything. It's exactly the anti-gay discrimination bill we wanted. Just like your hair, why muck up perfection, George? [Laughs]
GS: A final yes or no question, Governor: do you think it should be legal in the state of Indiana to discriminate against gays or lesbians?
MP: Of course! They're icky! [Laughs]
GS: Governor Pence, thank you very much for your time this morning.
See, governor? It's not so hard to give an honest interview. Just be yourself.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Note: My attorney tells me I've agreed to apologize in writing for crank-calling the Maine National Guard at 3am Sunday and ordering them to build a pontoon bridge across the Kennebec River in anticipation of a mass evacuation from the invading Canadian Mountie zombies. Sorry. It was an accident. ---Me
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Supreme Court hears oral arguments over same-sex marriage:
28
Days 'til the
MQX Quilters Festival in Manchester, New Hampshire:
8
Number of elected officials in the United States:
519,682
(Source:
David Nir, Daily Kos Elections)
Number of Democrats and Republicans, respectively,
who voted Thursday
to expand Social Security payments:
42 / 0
Percent of Republicans surveyed by Reuters/Ipsos who believe President Obama and Vladimir Putin, respectively, are an "imminent threat to America":
34%, 22%
Percent of Floridians who say gay marriage has affected them negatively, claims that are absolute bullpucky:
20%
(Source: PPP poll)
Babe Ruth's highest salary:
$80,000 (1931-32)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Fox Nation sounds off on Carly Fiorina's White House bid:
This woman laid of 30,000 Americans from HP when she worked there and sent the jobs to India, sorry lady when you don't look out for your fellow Americans your not fit for the OVAL OFFICE.
---Commenter Troybem
Carly wants to be Jeb's gofer.
---MFakir
When is Mommie going to show you how capital letters and punctuation works, FungusFace? Shouldn't you be over in your kitchen burning some grease, TammpaxxHead?
---Fredkrug
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Monkey with Richard Nixon haircut pets puppies:
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CHEERS to timely departures. Today is the last day of March, a month fraught with snow (as recent as freakin' yesterday), rain, wind, tornadoes, plane crashes, train crashes, automobile crashes and, on a personal note, a month of "strict confinement" knee-surgery recovery for the pooch and sciatica for the owner. Years from now we hope to look back on this month with great...amnesia.
CHEERS to finishing what you start. Retired Admiral and former congressman Joe Sestak kicked off his U.S. Senate campaign by walking 422 miles across Pennsylvania, a trek he finished up Saturday:
Sestak at Mile 422: the Ohio border.
"I want to earn their trust and let them know that I'm not above accountability," Sestak said after completing his "Walking in Other Pennsylvanians' Shoes" effort that he began when he announced his campaign March 4. […] On making the trip, Sestak said his feet held up well but his footwear has seen better days. He said the cold was the issue.
Sestak's 31-year Navy career included commanding an aircraft carrier battle group in Afghanistan and Iraq. After retiring, he was elected twice to the U.S. House, then in 2010 upset five-term Sen. Arlen Specter in the U.S. Senate primary. He lost to Toomey in the general election by 2 percentage points.
More at Joe's
campaign site here. Meanwhile, Toomey is taking some steps of his own. Strep One: beg for money from millionaires. Step two: repeat step one.
P.S. Yesterday the infinitely-awesome Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth stopped by Daily Kos to announce her own U.S. Senate run in Illinois. And in Florida, Congressman Patrick Murphy has his eye set on Marco Rubio's Senate seat. May the gods help us run the table in 2016.
JEERS to a failure to budge. Today is the BIG DEADLINE [Thundercrash] for coming up with some kind of acceptable nuclear deal with Iran, and Bloomberg characterizes the final hours as a high-stakes game of chicken. But there's still the proverbial glimmer:
In one case: an Iran deal. In the
other: a peanut butter sandwich.
One indicator that a deal may be within reach on Tuesday would be the return of Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. Lavrov left the talks on Monday for a Moscow meeting with the foreign minister of the Pacific Island of Vanuatu. He would come back only if there’s a “realistic” prospect of a deal, Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova said. China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi sounded an optimistic note, saying that “the scale of disagreement has shrunk” as diplomats enter what he likened to the final sprint of their marathon.
According to sources, all that remains is an agreement on what to do with Iran's enriched uranium, how quickly the west will remove economic sanctions and, easiest of all, a resolution signed by all six nations confirming that Senator Tom Cotton is a dick. And if they refuse on that last item, John Kerry is prepared to walk away.
CHEERS to champions of the little guy. Happy 88th birthday to the late Cesar Chavez. He founded the National Farm Workers Association, which gave a voice to migrant farm workers. He also had a spiffy motto that might sound familiar: "Si se pueda!" (Yes we can!) Pay your respects here. Today in his honor we're boycotting lettuce and grapes.
CHEERS to putting the pieces in place. Less than four months 'til the Netroots Nation convention in Phoenix, and Mary Rickles says via email that the panel discussions and workshops are going to be excellent once again:
107 days 'til showtime...
We received over 400 proposals for sessions this year. We're in the middle of our tedious scoring process now and will be rolling out our final agenda around the first of May. The group of proposed panelists are our most diverse ever, with 54 percent being people of color—a 14 percent increase from last year! Fifty-eight percent of the proposed speakers and 63 percent of our proposed trainers are women, and 42 percent of proposed trainers are people of color. We also had more Native American and transgender speakers proposed than ever before.
In the coming weeks, we'll be rolling out information on another scholarship program, trainings, Screening Series, social events, a new music/organizing track and more. We’ll also be launching a big initiative to draw attention and support to the amazing organizers we’re working with across Arizona. If you plan to attend and haven't yet registered, get your ticket today before the current price tier sells out. Click here to secure your spot.
As soon as the final 80 approved panels and 40 training sessions are announced, we'll grab our Billyhorn and shout them out one at a time from the roof of our house. Or, if the neighbors get the cease-and-desist order in time, we'll just post them here instead.
A reminder: when you're visiting the
Virgin Islands, use that sunscreen!
CHEERS to fun in the sun. On March 31, 1917, the U.S. took possession of what are now the
U.S. Virgin Islands (not to be confused with the inferior British Virgin Islands) from Denmark for $25 million. Residents there---who are considered U.S. citizens---are allowed to vote in the presidential primary but not the general election. Which is like your parents giving you a scoop of freezer-burned vanilla ice cream on your birthday while your sibings get a big bowl of Chunky Monkey with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, nuts, Oreos and gummi bears delivered by strippers. Damn. I thought I'd blotted that day out. Back to the therapist we go.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 31, 2005
JEERS to Business as usual. Message to cubicle dwellers: "We're cutting benefits, downsizing and outsourcing (oh, and you'll be training your New Delhi replacement)." Message to CEOs: "Partyyyyy! Your median salary rises 25 percent to $14 million! Whoop Whoop!!" Message from us to them: "May you choke on your caviar at the farthest green from the clubhouse."
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And just one more…
JEERS to Crazy Man Overload. The firehose of coverage for the charlatan GOP presidential candidate whose name rhymes with Fred Frooz is still gushing out of every orifice the media has to gush from, so I'm not going to pile on. Instead, please enjoy this bombshell from some scruffy-looking nerf herder:
The perfect way to end this nutty month. Thank you, J.J.
Have a nice Friday. Ha ha! That was an early April Fools prank! Got ya! Ha Ha!!! A perfect 10 on the clever scale!!! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"When someone tells you that you are in Cheers and Jeers, smile and hold your head up high and be proud."
---Angelina Jolie
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