From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
And a' one and a' two...
Yesterday John Boehner got his head handed to him by Nancy Pelosi. Here to play a small violin on behalf of his ego is an amazing small kid:
Please proceed, Republicans.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Note: Tonight on Eyewitness News! Bill O'Reilly finds himself reporting from an actual war zone when he ends up in the middle of a "blue and black dress/white and gold dress" argument between Neil Cavuto and George Will in the Fox News break room. No film at 11, mainly because of all the flying egg salad that ended up on the camera lens during the battle.
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9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of Daylight Saving Time, which means we lose a #!!%&! Hour of sleep:
4
Days 'til the
NYC Craft Beer Festival:
9
Years since the Nasdaq has closed above 5,000, as it did Monday:
15
Average February 2015 temperature in Portland, Maine…a new record low:
13.8 degrees
Percent of Louisiana Republicans who believe President Obama is responsible for the poor federal response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005:
29%
Percent who believe the blame rests with George W. Bush:
28%
(Source: PPP poll)
Number of ice runways in the lower 48 states approved by the FAA:
1
(Source: Alton Bay NH Seaplane Base
Facebook page)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 178 (including 4 Kings of the East and 1 demon Hindu language of yoga). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: First sploosh
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Death panel? Could be.
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CHEERS to disorder in the court. The case for disallowing Obamacare subsidies in any state that doesn’t have a state-specific exchange has been imploding for weeks now, and today's the day we hear oral arguments in this profoundly stupid case. Armando and Adam B will post their impressions here at the Great Orange Satan, and the crew at
SCOTUSblog will be worth following, too. In a nutshell, here's what to listen for: hints, pro or con, from Justices Roberts or Kennedy over whether or not the unanimous opinion of a law's intent is worthless if the written law contains a minor typo that suggests otherwise. What not to listen for: anything but random Coke burps from Clarence Thomas.
"Gimme that, John. Lemme
show you how to use it..."
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JEERS to Speaker Chickenshit. John Boehner: cut-and-run coward! What the hell was he
thinking?!! Just when we had the terrorist maniacs at ISIL convinced that their resolve to attack us is nothing compared to our resolve to
be attacked, he
surrenders into the muscular arms of the steely-eyed Democrats who want to make our democracy safe for democracy. Once again, we've failed to heed the immortal words of Benjamin Franklin: "Those who give up the forced repeal of President Obama's sensible immigration executive order in exchange for full funding of our national security deserve
both." Here's a quarter, Boehner: buy a spine.
The State Seal of Vermont
CHEERS to the land of milk and hippies. Happy birthday,
Vermont!!! You became our 14th state on March 4, 1791. Besides Ben and Jerry, Bernie Sanders, Patrick Leahy and a nuclear power plant that makes me nervous, Vermont is home to Howard Dean, who became the first governor to pass civil unions for same-sex couples and exclaimed, "YOU have the power!" It's also the birthplace of the 21st U.S. President Chester Arthur and the 30th U.S. President and
founding member of The Village People, Calvin Coolidge, who slept ten hours a day and once murmered, "When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results."
Saaaaaa…lute!
JEERS to TEN ALARM FIRE!!! Breaking! Having just personally performed one hundred abortions in a row and then raised everybody's taxes by 900 percent, but not before ordering missile strikes on U.S. diplomatic compounds and demanding that Christianity be outlawed, Hillary Clinton and the net neutrality Nazis fanned out and destroyed America from within, but only after they first forced God-fearing conservative bakers to eat their weight in gay-wedding cakes. Or, if you're not watching Fox News: Hillary Clinton blah blah blah something something emails.
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We interrupt this broadcast to bring you Jon Stewart kicking a professional wrestler in the junk…
I think I hear a new profession calling his name. Now back to C&J…
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CHEERS to walking into a hornet's nest. Man, talk about hitting the ground running. On March 4, 1861, Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated. And on March 4, 1933, Franklin Roosevelt was inaugurated. Lincoln led the country through the Civil War. FDR led the country through the Great Depression and World War II. The crop of Republicans who believe they can rise to the same level of greatness in the next presidential election year include Walker, Carson, Perry, Santorum, Bush, Rubio and Cruz. I wrote that last sentence because it's my job to make you laugh.
CHEERS to starting the search. Speaking of 2016, nutty Dr. Ben "Obamacare is Worse Than Slavery" Carson says he has formed an exploratory committee to prepare for a White House run. Results so far are mixed. They haven't found any money yet, but they did spot a few polyps.
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Four years ago in C&J: March 4, 2011
CHEERS to the best decision we'll ever hate. The Supreme Court ruled---correctly in C&J's humble opinion---that Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church minions have the First Amendment right to picket at the funerals of soldiers. And you and I still have the right to exercise our free speech rights, too, including calling Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church minions who are destined to spend eternity in the lowest circle of hell---the one with the 24-hour Charlie Sheen cable news coverage.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint-y freshness. Hooray! The first (frist?) of the 2015 "America the Beautiful" state quarters has seen the light of day. The latest in the collection, which celebrates our national parks (or as Republicans call them, "drill here, drill now zones"), pays tribute to Nebraska's Homestead National Monument. It got a rousing welcome party in Beatrice last month:
Legal tinder.
The Homestead quarters made their appearance with a pioneer twist. Roughly 2,000 quarters cascaded like water---or, more accurately, like coins spilling from a slot machineinto a metal wash tub from a hand pump designed by Beatrice High industrial arts students. …
The design on the back of the coin features two ears of corn bracketing a wooden house and water pump. It represents the food, shelter and water that were vital to survival of the settlers of the 19th and 20th centuries. … Lt. Gov. Mike Foley said the Homestead Act of 1862---which offered 160 acres of free land to settlers without regard to gender, race or nationality---fulfilled a promise of the nation’s forefathers.
The design on the
front of the coin: an angry mob of teabaggers protesting socialist government handouts.
Have a nice Wednesday. We'll be out shoveling new snow again. Because of course we will. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
A Shocking Study Released: Teens Have Direct Access to Cheers and Jeers Online
---Zinereport.com
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