You know the old curse about living in interesting times? It's been the story of my life since January 2014. First there was the Packhorse's heart surgery (he's doing really well, the cardiologist says--and he also has a thank you letter to the DKos folks who kept me as sane as it was possible to be under the circumstances). Then the foreclosure, with too little time to prepare--having someone who had open heart surgery in January doing the moving in May did not make me happy. Then we came to MiL's house under her very grudging terms. She originally demanded the cats fins homes or go to the pound because she hates animals; I think she especially hates our cats. That didn't happen. In September she decided we should move into low income housing here (the housing had a double murder occurred there; I suspect it may just be the first one I happened to catch because I avoid local news like the plague) but that plan was killed because we couldn't get in quick enough. Ben and I decided that if we moved into there, we'd be stuck here in GA forever which has been driving me into depression, and decided we'd just choose to move to New England, to western MA where we have friends. It's a therapeutic move; I was close to clinical depression from the Things refusing to come to see MiL for Thanksgiving or Xmas while we are here. Turns out this Wiccan witch still feels Catholic guilt for stuff that isn't even my fault.
Then MiL discovered her cancer which she told us several years ago was Stage 1 and was really Stage 4, had moved to her liver and her spine. She has 6-12 months left and she wants us gone so she can move into senior housing. Sad thing is, the only one I think woul;d have been help to her in her last months when she will need skilled nursing is the son she's kicking out. Neither daughter came to her for Xmas because Thing 2 threw a hissy fit because we hadn't left the house like she thought was owed to her on Thanksgiving --the people who came were my two BiL and his wife and sons who aren't thrilled with the two nieces. SO we stayed. Thing 2 was on her way here after dinner when she learned we had the audacity to stay and actually eat instead of going somewhere so she oculd drop in without being offended by her presence. The elder SiL decided she would have Xmas at her house and informed her mother of that in a tersely worded phone call. We were expressly NOT included.
My mood for Xmas was NOT helped when MiL got a call from HER niece telling her she was at a mall and those crazy people were staging a die-in. And MiL, who thought George Wallace was a great governor and LIKED Lester Maddox, called thew protestors idiots and Ferguson a stupid mess (implying strongly that the police were angels and the protestors assholes. It is one thing to know in thew back of your head that your MiL is a Southern bigot who can't help it because she's 80 and probably thought MLK was an asshole and that the people marching in Selma got what they deserved (her sister was married to the warden of Bull Conner's jail, and my husband and I prefer not to acknowledge that, but it is a fact) and quite another to have your nose rubbed in it. I had a meltdown Christmas Eve day but got it together enough for dinner., Hell I apologized for her grandchildren's bad behavior like it was my fault.
Yup, Jews invented guilt, and I had Jewish grandmother. Catholics raised to a new level--and Irish Catholics, and you never get over that upbringing, raised it to an art form on a par with the Sistine Chapel.
She ordered us to get rid of the cats. That DID NOT happen. We did find a new home for Cleo, my beautiful brown tabby CLASSIC ME Coon. She had peed on the carpet. She went to live with Bill, my nephew, and his wife Jamie, who fell in love with her at Christmas. MiL never commented on it. We were however given April 15 as a drop-dead date to leave. So we are leaving. And we are not coming back. She evicted the one child who would actually be willing to care for her, and he's pretty much cutting ties with his family.
I am trying to forgive her for losing Cleo, who sat with me every night while I read or watched TV. I am not succeeding. I had given MiL my mother's china. I am taking it back and it moves with us, because I will NOT allow her to leave it to her children or her female grandchildren. My father may have suffered from Alzheimer's but he took one look at Thing 2 and asked who the ugly skinny girl with the big mouth and no manners was. I told him she was being rude to me, not him, but since he was my Dad, he was getting it too. I think he;'d come back and haunt me if she or her counterpart in crime inherited that china. Yes, it's petty, but remember, I lost Cleo on MiL's whim and demand and she didn't even do us the courtesy of acknowledging it. Yes, it's her house, but hey, she let them behave badly to us for years without ever saying a word, and never even apologized for their rudeness. We owe her a lot, but her son spent nights with her during chemo, drove her to Birmingham many times, mowed her lawn and did her yardwork all summer, bought the food we all ate....it wasn't entirely a free ride, but she doesn't see it that way.
So as of April 1, I will have no access to any computer service. We'll be staying with friends while we find a place up there, and while they have wifi, unless I borrow one of their laptops, I won't have access to a keyboard. If you think my typing is bad now, you should see it trying to use a tablet's tiny keyboard; I don't text for a REASON. I can barely order books for the Nook online without retyping things two or three times.
We will be back. And things will be better. I'll be able to find a therapist up there to deal with my anger towards my father and MiL (we wouldn't have been in the mess with him if she hadn't refused to listen to her when I told her it was NOT POSSIBLE for me to care for him without ending up broken, and that we couldn't afford the damned house, that he should go into assisted living because he needed more care than we could give him, and it would mean Ben dropping out of nursing school so he could help me--had we had exactly the time Dad lived with us, he'd have his RN, and we'd have been out of here 4 years ago). I would have tried fidning a therapist here, but so many are fundamentalist Christians with the local prejudices toward witchy types like moi,and I didn't want to have to argue theology while I am trying to deal with emotional shit that is very, very painful. Would I prefer Ben to be here with his mother for her last months? Yes. She's his mother and he loves her, even though she and his family have marginalized him his entire life. But SHE made that decision for us. For HIM. We won't be able to afford a flight back for her funeral. We're dead broke and the move will cost us everything we have just getting there. With any luck we'll be bale to borrow enough to pay to have our furniture moved, because I really don't want him loading and unloading that truck And driving a UHaul with 4 cats is more than we can handle.. The cats and I will all have to be sedated.
So one more time I am calling the Ecumenical Prayer Squad (I think it's under the auspices of Father Guido Sarducci) in for one big favor: we need decent weather for that long drive. We plan to stop in VA then drive through the next day. I really think another blizzard is NOT what we need. And I wouldn't mind a few prayers that MiL stays comfortable until her last few days. She's had a difficult life, and while I am currently mad as spit at her about Cleo, I wouldn't wish a death from cancer even on Vladimir Putin, and I actually do love her. She actually has a good pastor at her church who came to see Ben, got it when we told him we weren't interested in changing our faith, but prayers were fine and it made MiL heppy,. We ende dup talking cats. He'll be a comfort to her.
And New England Kossacks, we'll be up among you soon. I have a good friend I've never met in Ellid (I don't quilt, Ellid; I just embroider and make garb) who is a pal of the friends we'll be staying with there. I hope to meet a bunch og you at some meet and greet dinner. And, commonmass, we WILL have that Guinness at Brian Boru's. Ben looks forward to meeting you; he's never met you online, but he cried with me when your husband died.
I've missed you all. This is my online home and you were there for us at a very difficult time.
Ben has a thank you letter that will eventually get posted. SaraR's quilt made him cry. Nop, he doesn't normally cry. He's a retired CPO, after all. but kindness and sharing someone's sorrow will do it. And he's secure enough in his own skin not to care who knows. That quilt WILL travel with us. it, my jewelry,and the cats are the most important things we're carrying with us in the car.
Farewell for awhile. Be back as soon as I can.