A better title might be “What will you accept help with?”
I’m sure it’s not just cancer patients who have a hard time asking for or accepting help. Way before I ever got cancer I had hernia surgery and took a car service to and from the hospital. I wouldn’t let any of my friends help.
I hadn’t changed much when years later I got cancer and needed surgery. Fortunately for me my friends had and one in particular insisted on driving me to the hospital – at 5am.
She waited for me till I was out of surgery and then drove me home. She did it all again 10 days later when I had a second surgery.
Many of my friends stepped up and helped, sometimes because I asked and sometimes just because I told them what was going on with me.
Recently I was able to pass it on. A friend of mine had just gotten home from work at 10:30 on a Saturday night and called me to say that her 16 year old dog had thrown up 8 times while she had been at work and it was black. I asked “dark red?” and she said no, black.
We talked a little bit about what to do and then she said she was going to steam clean it up. I know my friend goes to bed as soon as she comes home from work and something
told me she needed help.
I got up, got dressed and went over to her house. Her dog had thrown up 2 more times and it was in fact red, it was blood. We talked a bit about what she wanted to do. I went with her to the Pet ER where she got meds to soothe her dog and keep the pain away till Monday when she could see her own vet.
That was an easy one for me. I’m a dog trainer and have been for over 20 years. I know lot about dogs and their owners.
I don’t know if I would be as intuitive about a friend with cancer or a friend care giving someone with cancer. I might have to wait to be asked.
In case you have a hard time asking or maybe haven’t known where to ask, this is going to be an Open Thread tonight. You get the chance to ask about anything you need help with. There is a high probability that I won’t know the answer but someone else hopefully will or will at least know where to point you so you can find the answer.
Ask away.
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 7:30-8:30 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together.
Ooohh, first question. This was sent to the group and I've been given permission to share:
"I need your wisdom
I come hat in hand in appeal to the collective experience
Very close friend given little hope in what seems a premature surrender by doctors
Stage IV (but small - slow growing) colon cancer
Help"
Please feel free to weigh in on this as well as asking for whatever help you may need.