I do enjoy Susan Gubar's essays on living with advanced, metastatic cancer--not because she's ill, of course, but because she's so fierce about living as well as she can regardless.
Her latest is a reflection on what it means to disclose (or not) one's status as a person with cancer, a decision that is more difficult and less voluntary for some of us than others.
At this point, I am just about as "well" as I was before my cancer diagnosis. Perhaps even better, since no doubt the cancerous tumor was growing for some time before it made its presence impossible to ignore. I'm not thin; I'm no longer bald; I don't have any obvious permanent effects.
But, of course, the damage from the disease and its treatments still persists, both physically and emotionally. That means I frequently must decide about disclosure. Should I share my experiences of serious, life-threatening illness or not? And if so, to what extent should I discuss it, and for whose benefit am I doing so anyway?
Sometimes I decide to do so for myself, because I'm interested in noting a landmark event or date, and share the news with others. There was nothing for my beautician to gain, necessarily, when I had my first haircut post-chemo this winter, just after my fourth anniversary of surgery. My explanation of my delight in my new look, however, seemed worthwhile at the time, and not inordinately self-centered. I figure it's always encouraging for people to know of cancer survivors who are doing well, just in case they have questions.
Among my friends, all of whom do know fairly accurately what I went through to recover, my experience can serve as a useful resource. I'm happy to provide referrals and recommendations, albeit always with the caveat that no two people, and their treatments, will be the same.
Beyond that--maybe not so much. I tend to be rather reserved, so to fly under the radar in terms of cancer status suits my habits better than not. I am more than a little thankful to have avoided, so far, any major impact on my appearance. And now, I'm even more grateful not to have reason to bring it up except on the rare occasion it's truly relevant.
How about you? Do you have the luxury of choosing whether to disclose or not? Do you find it generally positive, negative, or something in between when you tell someone now for the first time? Any advice you'd like to share?
And please remember, as usual, this is an Open Thread.
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 7:30-8:30 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together.