For TPP issues – 1-888-OVER-SEA
For Hillary Clinton issues – 1-800-300-A.M.
For Bernie Sanders issues – 1-800-RUM-PLED
Continued below...
For Look What Some GOP Knucklehead Said Now issues – 1-800-GOH-MERT
For I/P issues – 1-800-ANY-JOKE-HERE-WILL-UNDOUBTEDLY-BACKFIRE
For Pooty and/or Woozle issues – 1-800-SCR-ITCH
For DELETE MY ACCOUNT! issues – 1-800-FUCK-YOU
For Pie issues – 1-800-FILL-ING
For More Democrat issues – 1-800-MAN-CHIN
For Better Democrat issues – 1-800-LWAR-REN
For Questions of Faith issues – 1-800-FSM-GODS
If any of those above numbers turn out to be real, please do not hold me responsible. If you do call one of them, and the person on the other end turns out to be dominatrix or an upbeat Prayer Line volunteer, you’re on your own.