It's hard to watch porn when you've lived the life I've lived because I just keep thinking "DON'T DO THAT IN HEELS YOU'LL POP THE AIR MATTRESS"
If Miracle Whip were really miraculous it would be Nutella.
[sitting in traffic]
I wonder how much it would cost to buy a tank
Backyard BBQ season is here don't forget to put out your patio tables, citronella candles, and anti-drone nets.
Ask your drugs if doctors are right for you.
Idle hands are how the Devil gets his best handjobs.