In his current phase, running off his mouth as he runs for President, I find this man way too amusing for my own good. He had me at his smooth escalator descent, after which he has only ascended in popularity, ever higher above the hapless rest of the 17. Worse, although I know this would be ill-advised, I want to pat him on his "hair" and say, "There, there, of course you are the BEST at EVERYTHING among EVERYONE in the whole wide WORLD!"
I confess, I find his need to shamelessly and continuously promote himself as Better Than ALL of You (because I'm much more successful=richer!) to be kind of endearing, like you might feel toward a chronically and deeply insecure, obnoxious, badly-raised, bullying child who pulls at your heartstrings, crying out for help. And I think I can help! I think I just might have the cure, the ONLY cure, to lasso this gargantuan ego in overdrive, bring it down, and calm its relentless agitation upon his soul.
First order of business would be to shoo away all those other pesky GOP presidential contenders. None of them are anywhere near rich enough to get near anything but his contempt. Really, they only exacerbate his problem, given how they are such irresistible slow moving, low-hanging targets for his scornful zingers. Face it, they bring out the worst in him.
Ever see Intervention? Next, I would lure him into a room with the promise of thousands of excited "Hispanics para Trump" waving placards that say "Trump 4 Presidente!/Hispanics LOVE Donald!" amidst a gaggle of TV cameras. However, in reality, a very discrete group of a different kind would be assembled - the likes of Bill Gates, Carlos Slim Helu, Buffet, the Koch Brothers, Sheldon Adelson, the richest 5 Waltons, Bloomberg, Zuckerberg, et al. The top 20 members of Forbes 500 Richest People in the World, 2015.
I would have them don baseball caps, a la Donald, but snazzy ones, jet black and embossed in a dazzling gold display of their far greater billions. I would take advantage of Donald's shocked dismay to swap his signature oversized "Make America Great Again" duckbill for one that's labeled with his far lesser billions. Make it a shabby washed-out grey, with "Just 4.1 billion, below the top 400!" markered on.
And then, hopefully, I would sit back and witness the incredibly shrinking ego of Donald Trump. Ask him to make a speech, and he would be rendered speechless! What could he possibly brag about to THIS bunch? "I have tremendous wealth?" "I am the absolute BEST at business?" You would do well to read my BEST best-seller book, The Art of the Deal?"
I don't think so.
Seriously, I think such an intervention would be the only antidote to quell poor Donald's "tremendous" Me-ism that sticks to him like skin. A very LOUD skin. If I wanted to help the other candidates (which I dont), I would give them nice T-shirts with a group shot of these besting billionaires, one which shows them dwarfing "loser billionaire" Donald - a drooping sapling in a forest of very erect redwoods. They could flash this image at The Donald whenever they see him, like a cross at a vampire.
But, then again, I am seriously enjoying his gig. Selfishly, I think, do I really want to change him for the better? And, as for crazy, have you heard some of the other contenders? OMG, if he becomes the nominee, no, the actual President of these United States, we might just be better off, certainly no worse off than we'd be with the others, those who are stumbling about in his immense shadow, desperately trying to find a light switch. And when one of them does manage to get some limelight for a few flickering seconds, what do we see? We see a man who wants us to make him President eating bacon off the barrel of a semi-automatic, which is where he cooked it when he fired it. And then he smiled. A deranged smile.
Worst of all, he WANTED us to SEE this!
On second thought, maybe it's best to leave The Donald as is. Let Donald be Donald! Yeah!