Ever since same-sex marriage has been before the U.S. Supreme Court and before, as it made its way through the lower federal court system, I have spent a lot of time making comments in published post concerning marriage equality and gay rights. I also spent a lot of time most recently defending the Boys Scout’s decision to allow gay scout leaders in those chapters who approve of gay scout leaders, but also I have defended their decision to allow churches and other organizations to continue not accepting gay scout leaders in their own chapters, at least at this point of time.
I have listened to the vitriol coming from so-called Christians concerning same-sex marriage and all the false rhetoric about how gays will be forcing churches to perform gay weddings, and also how terrible it is that the Boy Scouts are bending to the all-powerful gay lobby in allowing gay scout leaders into their fold. I have also listened to the vitriol coming from fellow gays and their supporters about the hate coming from the religious right against LGBT rights and same-sex marriage.
The answer to calming the storm between gays and Christians has to do with compromise on both sides, but also time to sink in to the minds of those still dealing with the culture shock. Right now there is a great deal of mistrust between the two factions; right-wing Christians think that the gay community is forcing its agenda onto the Christian community and the gay community, finally seeing their rights coming to fruition, see the Christian community as continuing their efforts to block those rights. Both sides feel threatened by the other.
There will always be those from the religious right who take it to the extreme when it comes to blasting scriptural context against what they call the practice of homosexuality. In reality, there is no such thing as the practice of homosexuality among the gay population; perhaps among heterosexuals who sometimes like to experiment, just the same as some gay people like to experiment with heterosexuality. Of course, one’s sexuality becomes much more certain once one strays from what comes natural to them. I have had my own experiments with heterosexuality and I also quickly learned that it isn’t for me.
I’m not going to get into the details of my defense of why I believe the Bible’s references to what Bible thumpers believe to be a case against homosexuality is actually only referring to heterosexual men using other men instead of women, but I will insist that it has nothing to do with gay people, whose homosexuality comes natural to them.
What’s unnatural is a gay person trying to be straight, marrying someone of the opposite sex in hopes it will change them and it never does. If you were gay before marrying someone of the opposite sex, you will be gay afterwards, but you will make you and your wife’s life miserable once you discover that to be true. Any kids you might have from such a marriage also won’t be any better for it either.
Still, convincing religious people that what they take from certain scriptures as being references to gay people, is actually not about them at all; is not an easy task. They have been taught all their religious lives, by their pastors and preachers and priest that this is what those scriptures mean. They cannot understand as any gay person well understands that being gay is not a choice, not a lifestyle and is not something gay people simply practice. You can practice a religion, or you can practice a trade or profession or a sport but if you’re gay, you don’t practice homosexuality, you live it.
So because of this inability to comprehend what being gay is all about by religious people, the gay community becomes an enemy in their eyes and seen as only a militant sinful group of people trying to force their agenda on them and society as a whole. Gays are forcing bakers, photographers, caterers, etc. to serve their weddings and it won’t be long before they’ll also be forcing preachers and pastors to officiate at their weddings and forced to allow them to hold same-sex weddings in their churches. This hasn’t happen but they’re waiting for the next shoe to drop. That’s how they actually see it and because of that, they believe they are at war with the gay community.
And, in turn, the gay community feels very much that they are at war with the religious right. They feel the same hate that they have dealt with all of their gay lives, trying desperately to steal away their victory of growing equality, which LGBT members have just started to realize. Defiance becomes their stance as the attacks from the religious right keep coming, with accusations of forcing an agenda that does not exist, which is of trying to recruit or convert new gays into our flock. Converted any straight people today? The religious right just doesn’t seem to understand that you don’t convert someone into homosexuality as you do with Christianity.
Again, it’s not a choice to be gay. If that were true, most gays would run the other way into the arms of heterosexuality, because historically speaking; being gay has not been an easy life to live, not in my day for certain. It’s getting easier fortunately, but we still have a ways to go. When gay teens can grow up to not feel like they’re all alone in the world and no longer feel they cannot keep living just because they’re gay, and when LGBT members are no longer fired from their jobs or denied access to certain real estate markets just because they’re LGBT, then perhaps we will have come closer to the end of our long struggle for freedom. Until then, being LGBT is not easy.
There are unreasonable people on both sides of this fight. There are religious people who refuse to give an inch to gay people, wishing they could turn back the clock and force gay people to go back into their proverbial closets and stop seeking what they believe to be special rights. These religious people also feel that the nation’s laws should reflect their beliefs in making sure gay people are treated as second-class citizens if not lower. There are also gay people who are demanding that religious people accept them fully without reservation and that any opposition to their full rights is simply hate and bigotry.
However, if this nation is ever going to get past this war between the religious right and the gay community, we will need those from both sides of the fight, to meet in the middle. Religious people will need to concede that gay people deserve to be treated equally and even if their belief system is not yet ready to approve of same-sex marriages, they must accept that gay people should still have a right to pursue their happiness through marriage and let God decide what is right and wrong.
Then on the other side, gay people need to stop accusing every religious person who has objections to same-sex marriage as being bigots. Certainly, there are some but just simply being against same-sex marriage because of one’s religious beliefs does not make someone a bigot. It makes them uninformed and it is up to us who know better to respectfully – if at all possible – inform them of the truth without all the name-calling. Some will refuse to listen and therefore are bigots, because it takes a bigot to close one’s ears and one’s mind to the truth concerning those who are different.
As gay people and their supporters, we must find those who are reasonable from the ranks of Christians, which are usually not those who go onto published post to vent their rage and hatefulness toward gay people. There are many who don’t hate anyone, and that’s because their religion teaches them not to for one thing, and it just isn’t in their nature. Sometimes they’re taught against homosexuality in their churches but then, family members and friends come out as gay. Suddenly, they’re stuck between their religion and the people they love. Most of them eventually come around, given time to consider without pressure, that being gay is not a lifestyle choice but part of who a person is. They’re just one step from accepting that gays can love each other and that God approves of that love, because of the true commitment they witness within a same-sex couple’s relationship. Reality then sinks in that perhaps their church has it wrong after all. Love is love after all.
Somewhere down the road there is that happy place where Christians love gays and gays love Christians, but it’s still a long ways away. However, with the help of reasonable people from both sides, perhaps we can someday get there.