Strap in, get cozy with a barf bag and/or hot cup of cocoa uncle Don has a story for you, this one is a doozy and quite lengthy. Sorry for being so brief in the forewords, I am doing all of this on my iPhone because my laptop is broke and I'm well, broke.
1. Did New York hand you that game? Yes they did.
2. Sit down!
3. Jerry is great. Isn't Jerry great??
4. Dirk is great. I like Dirk.
5. "Look at the paparazzi aye yay yay"
6. This is the biggest crowd for a primary ever. I'm incredible.
7. Come here Pastor Jerrers, I love this guy! Look Pastors like me!
8. I'm a presbyterian.
9. We are killing it in the polls, I mean big time.
10. Silent majority should be called the noisy, the aggressive minority.
11. We are tired of being pushed around.
12. We're going to win so much it's going to be coming out of your ears. "I have to be careful about talking about things coming out of ears."
Cliff Notes from Donald Trumps speech in Texas from this evening. It's a long one folks!
13. "The debate, I hear they're all going after me. Whatever!"
14. The hatred is so incredible for me, it's unreal.
15. Look at all the live cameras! They make me come up with new speeches, the other guys don't have to do that.
16. "If you like the media give em a big hand, if you don't like them give em a big boo!" (Crowd resoundingly boos)
17. George Will was a disaster.
18. Karl Rove is terrible. (Crowd boos)
19. Karl sucks so bad at his job.
20. Our president sucks.
21. "Anybody in real estate?"
22. "Bill O'reilly is a good guy, great guy, good guy, great guy."
23. Karl Rove is a boob.
24. I'm surging again in the polls.
25. Ben Carson, he's alright.
26. Can you guys behind me see my hair?
27. "I have many friends, the hair is over."
28. Journalists are still are saying I wear a hairpiece.
29. The Apprentice was the best.
30. I made 213 million from that fucking show.
31. NBC begged me to keep doing it. I said no I have to make America great again.
32. I have deals all over the place. I give up a lot.
33. "Politicians give up nothing. With me it's a whole big deal, I'm not taking this blood money."
34. "I feel a little bit awkward and a little bit stupid."
35. Everyone in the early primary states are incredible people.
36. I'm leading everywhere, I'm so well known, I'm so fucking bad ass I can't believe it.
37. Arnold is gonna do great.
38. We have so many problems.
39. "All Trump all the time."
40. I get monster ratings. They cover me even when I have nothing to say.
41. We've had fun. We're not going anywhere.
42. "Unless I win, this will have been a total waste of time."
43. Mitt Romney sucked.
44. I'm surging with women.
45. I cherish women.
46. Hillary is not surging.
47. I have tremendous energy, it's ridiculous.
48. We don't have good closers. They don't know what they're doing.
49. Jeb, Hillary they're slaves to PACS.
50. I was the ultimate insider.
51. I'm going to lower ties but raise them on hedge funders.
52. I'm going to announce a great great tax plan soon.
53. We don't have a leader.
54. The American Dream is dead. I'll make it great.
55. "We're going to do things with oil and gas that are unbelievable."
56. "Everything's wrong"
57. "Chyna, Japan." (crowd boos)
58. Illegal immigrants killing Americans is a massive problem. We have to stop them.
59. Crowd breaks out into USA chant.
60. We gotta build a wall folks.
61. Israelis a bad ass wall.
62. "These gang members are gonna be outta here so friggin fast..."
63. "Any countries leaders are smarter than our leaders."
64. We gotta end this sanctuary cities crap fast."
65. "We are a dumping ground for the rest of the world."
66. Anchor babies!
67. Anchor babies!
68. We need to retain legal immigrants that graduate for Ivy League schools.
69. The tea party rules. They get a raw deal. They know what's going on.
70. "Ted Cruz is a good guy but if he attacks me I'll take it back immediately."
71. Wouldn't it be good to have a president that knows how to build?
72. Scaffolding, I don't want to see scaffolding all over the place. I hate scaffolding. If I win, I will let the scaffolding stay up.
73. Fucking scaffolding!!
74. Japan! Big ships!
75. We give give Japan beef an they don't want it.
76. I love Mexico, I love Mexico. They're leaders are smart.
77. I refuse to eat Oreos.
78. Ford went to Mexico.
79. Jeb and Hillary wouldn't be able to do shit about stopping the auto bleed to Mexico because they're bought off.
80. Everybody's going to Mexico.
81. Hillary is the worst ever in the history of everything.
82. If I was President, I'd tell the president of Ford that I won't let you have any cars come across our border without a 35% tax on each car if you go to Mexico.
83. "It's depressing, isn't it depressing??? I could tell you stories, they're all depressing."
84. John Kerry is the worst ever, this Iran deal is the worst ever.
85. We don't have the right to inspect without 24 days notice.
86. "John Kerry, he thinks he's in a bicycle race, he's in a bicycle race! He breaks his leg in the middle of this thing!"
87. I hate bicycle races.
88. Obama is stupid for thinking climate change is the biggest threat. Our biggest threat is nuclear global warming.
89. If I win, I'll make the Iran deal perfect. If I win, I'll free our prisoners in Iran.
90. We didn't get them because Obama and Kerry are wimps.
91. My negotiators are horrible human beings, they are really fucking disgusting people.
92. My friend Carl rules.
93. Mexico's leaders are good.
94. The Great Wall of china is 13K, we only need one that's 2K. It's gonna be a trump wall.
95. 5 billion for a wall is peanuts.
96. (Missed several minutes as all networks went to pundit commentary.)
97. We're in a do great things. 98. Shit is horrible now but I'll make it really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really great ok?
99. Thank you.
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