Without any doubt, many progressives in the United States, moreover, around the world, could use a little holiday cheer, considering the events unfolding as a result of the 2016 American election results. Few progressives, no matter which candidate they supported, are happy with the result, and in fact are downright horrified. And that’s shared by our progressive allies and friends all around the globe. Progressive capitalists, Marxist socialists, and leftist social-anarchists like me, have been delivered a stunning upset and we are all creeped out with dread and anticipation.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know I’m dying to find something to dispel the disillusionment, for more reasons than I can count. Aside from President Buffoon-With-Nukes, global warming looms. I’m worried about that. And I’m still trying to earn a living and not doing well, and my partner and I are struggling.
There will be no giving of gifts this year in our little household, and my poor mate has to labor long hours in an awful job through the holidays serving wealthy shoppers spending lots of cash. Do you know how depressing it can be, to hear customers speak glowingly of traveling to exotic places, while buying gourmet food, pricey wines, and are ebullient and overflowing with Christmas joy, while she lives like a pauper, a tragic character out of some Dickens novel? She comes home beyond exhausted and collapses, in tears, wondering how everything has all gone so terribly wrong in our lives in the last several years. Yes, these historically low wages really are impossible to live on and make ends meet.
Things used to be so much better. Yes, we know from first hand experience. Shit happens. Sometimes life is just crappy. That’s the long and short of it. But isn’t life more than that? It’s easy to forget the small things.
So back to the point:
One of those small things is the topic of this diary. Enter Kayleigh Rogers onto the scene. She is a 10 year old who happens to be on the autistic spectrum, and with ADHD, who has shown us the way forward, and how to be brave, and to face hardship.
Kayleigh, a student at a “special needs” Killard House School in Donaghadee, Northern Ireland, has come to my partner’s rescue to cheer her up and assuage her dispirited state of mind. She has given a gift, and it isn’t an object, but a song.
Now, it occurs to me.. maybe I am sounding melodramatic.
Okay, I guess that could be, but please hear me out. This isn’t melodrama, or exaggeration. It is a real thing; that small little occurrences make all the difference when one hits bottom. Ya know? For example, a young 20-something co-employee gave my partner a $100 gift card from out of the blue a few weeks ago when she found out my partner could not afford to buy a little morsel of food that day (her debit card bounced when she tried to purchase something at the store where they work). My partner tried to refuse, but the employee would not take it back. No way no how. And that is a shocking tale in itself, when the story of her life was revealed explaining exactly why she was so compelled to give this gift. These young Portlanders are often special souls, I kid you not.
Mind blowing. Really, really, really mind blowing. Amazing how people, themselves facing severe hardship, with terrible histories and suffering, can come to the aid of a fellow traveler on the human journey. But I digress.
Last night when my beloved got home, late, after an aching 14 hour workday (and as if all the rest is not enough, she’s been carrying on with two broken fingers that refuse to heal, not to mention diverticulitis and other issues) I played her this new YouTube video. This video has gone viral, and has been viewed all around the world by now, and also reported on BBC, and Huffington Post.
As it happens, it is an amazing, moving rendition of one of many Leonard Cohen songs that my partner absolutely loves. And then she cried again, the first time in broken, wilting despair, the second time in pure joy and delight.
No, its not melodrama, or cheesy. Not when you’re down.
Sometimes its the little moments like these, such as a YouTube video-gone-viral, that gets a working person through another day. Without these little unexpected gifts, there is not much motivation for going on.
So that’s what this did for my partner. This is my personal reaction:
As for me, I see myself so very much in this girl. It’s uncanny. Her brown eyes look very much like mine when I was that age. And she looks so bright, aware, seeing, soulful. Not dull, or clouded over, or lacking consciousness. I’ve recently learned I am very likely on the spectrum. It’s self diagnosed through many weeks and months, and years of testing online, and careful analysis of symptoms and traits, and discussion with my partner. And I too have this thing they call ADHD, just like her. I too was shy; am still very shy. But the shyness often gives way by sheer force of intensity of will, and is dispelled and pushed aside, in moments of astounding eruptions of expression and courage, as she so well demonstrates.
And I have to tell you it isn’t at all what people so often describe. It isn’t defined by intellectual deficiency by a long shot. It isn’t really defined, necessarily, by lack of empathy. ASD people can often, as new studies reveal, have even more intense forms of empathy than neurotypical people. It is Intense World Syndrome as far as my experience and opinion goes. The world floods in too intensely, too bright, too noisy, too much sensory input blowing circuits, and then those circuits shut down.
I hope you all don’t treat me, now that I reveal I suspect this, as if I’m handicapped or warped or stupid. I’m actually not, and have accomplished a lot in my years, and no one ever thought I am on the spectrum, since it is mild and I’ve handled it well. And it isn't mental illness. You do know there is a difference? Even my mother with her Masters in learning disorders and counseling never knew or guessed my atypical neurology. Not that she didn’t have her theories. But that was the dark ages of understanding. I was always considered to be highly intelligent and scholastically capable by teachers.
As this research article puts it:
The Intense World Syndrome suggests that the autistic person is an individual with remarkable and far above average capabilities due to greatly enhanced perception, attention and memory. In fact it is this hyper-functionality, which could render the individual debilitated. This perspective of hyper-functionality offers new hope for pharmacological as well as behavioral treatments. For example, while most the commonly prescribed medication try to increase neuronal and cognitive functioning, we conclude that the autistic brain needs to be calmed down, learning needs to be slowed, and cognitive functions need to be diminished in order to re-instate proper functionality. In terms of behavioral treatments, the hyper-plasticity offers an immense scope for rehabilitation therapies that are based on excessive positive reward and comforting approaches and that avoid direct punishment, which may lead to a lockdown of behavioral routines. It may well turn out that successful treatments could expose truly capable and highly gifted individuals.
One of my big concerns: Can I reveal this without being judged?
My “far left” views are not because of ASD. My anarchism (same as Chomsky, Howard Zinn) is not because I’m ASD. Got it? My difficultly in getting jobs? That’s another story. It’s not that I don’t fit in, its that it can be really difficult being possibly smarter and more perceptive than some of my worst, racist, conservative bosses, while treated as an inferior flunky. I have to spend enormous mental energy developing methods of coping with neurotypical people, to deal with the conventional world. I view my ASD (if I’m right about having this) as a gift, not a handicap. I’ve always known I see the world through a different lens. I like it. That’s all I will say for now. I would not change a thing, not one hair on my head, or one neuron or synapse in my brain, thank-you-very-much.
So, I guess I’m “coming out.” I hope I don’t regret it. But again, I digress. Still with me? Have you stuck this out so far? Good. And thanks.
Back to Kayleigh Rogers. And her stunning voice and her beautiful, mesmerizing song.
Kayleigh Rogers was helped by one of her teachers to explore her talent, and began to sing in front of audiences, and she has a great future ahead to develop this talent further. Thanks Kayleigh, for the gift of inspiration.
As people remarked about her singing on youtube:
“It’s not just good because she’s dealing with autism ... It’s good because it’s good — really good.”
Links to story for further reading:
WATCH: Girl With Autism Sings A Stunning Rendition Of ‘Hallelujah’
BBC: Special needs schoolgirl wows audience with voice